


In The Eye

by BiconBane



Series: World Burnt To Ashes [2]
Category: Shadowhunters
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fix-It, For what? All of season 2, M/M, Malec Centric, Mental Health Issues, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-09-24 16:02:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9769547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiconBane/pseuds/BiconBane
Summary: Magnus saved Jace from Valentine's clutches, but now everyone has to learn how to deal with a world on the brink of war. While tensions rise, new relationships and bonds form, and old ones grow stronger.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pissed. I'm really, really pissed at what season two has done to my beloved show. 2.07 was the last straw, but I've been upset about it for a while now. So I'm going to do my best to fix everything.
> 
> I hope you enjoy my attempts!

Jace sat on Magnus’ couch.

 

He tapped out a nervous pattern on his legs as he stared blankly at the opposite wall.

 

Alec did know what to say.

 

It was strange being at Magnus’ house without the warlock around. Magnus was at the Institute, with Clary, Luke, and Simon, and Izzy to keep an eye on all of them. With the Book of the White in her clutches, Clary hadn’t been able to wait for her mother’s rival. She had tugged at Jace, a huge smile on her face after Magnus had chased away Valentine.

 

Jace had stared back at her with dread shining in his eyes.

 

Alec was about to step in himself, when Magnus spoke up. He offered Jace his home for the day and told him that he could always meet Jocelyn later. Jace nodded like he was in a trance and Alec whispered in Magnus’ ear that he thought he better go with him. Magnus was nodding before he had even finished, and conjured a portal for them.

 

Alec’s phone buzzed with what he could only assume was a text from Izzy to update him about how the ritual went. He ignored it.

 

He stared at Jace and words swirl in his mind, but he just couldn’t reach in and pick out the right ones. He just didn’t know what to say, here, now.

 

“Are you just going to stand there?” Jace asked, his gaze finally flicking off the wall and to Alec.

 

Alec looked away and covered it with a shrug, as he flicks his middle and pointer fingers across his thumb. He pushed out a long breath and sat, clasping his hands together in front of him.

 

“How are you doing?” he finally asked.

 

Jace snorted and shook his head. “Honestly? I have no idea. Everything is just -- ”

 

“To fast,” Alec said, and he thinks about a war that’s rising too quickly for him to understand, but also about soft lips and a church that seems to spin.

 

Jace glanced over at him and his eyes soften as he nodded his head. “Yeah.”

 

The portal swirling open is so sudden  _ there _ that it startles Jace to his feet. Magnus stepped out of it and his eyes fall on Jace as it winks out of existence.

 

“It’s alright,” Magnus said softly, but Jace’s eyes still dropped to the ground as he settled back into the couch and rounded his shoulders with a nod of his head.

 

Magnus watched him for a moment longer before turning with all his smooth grace and heading towards his scotch. “You’re both welcome here for the rest of the night,” Magnus said. “I have clients early in the morning, but the first few aren’t coming here. I will have to ask you to leave by one though.”

 

The words “of course” are right on the tip of Alec’s tongue, but Jace gets there first.

 

“How is -- everyone?” he asked, staring up at Magnus.

 

Magnus looked at him for a second before nodding his head. “Jocelyn’s awake,” he said. “She’s tired and a little bit confused, but Clary and Luke are making sure she’s okay.”

 

Jace opened his mouth, but shuts it again and lets his gaze wander. Alec hesitated for a moment before turning back to Magnus.   
  


“We’ll be out before one,” he said and Magnus’ gaze flits back to him and he smiled.

 

“Good,” he said and curled his fingers around his glass. “I’m going to go rest. Today was an eventful day. I trust you remember where the guest rooms are, Alexander?” 

 

At Alec’s nod, he smiled again. “Then I’ll be off,” he said and headed straight to his room.

 

As if pulled by a string at the sound of Magnus’ bedroom door swinging shut behind him, Alec rose slowly, and took a step forward. But his breath caught and he turned his head, glancing back at Jace.

 

His parabatai is already looking at him. “Go,” he said and Alec did.

 

He’s knocking on Magnus’ bedroom door before he even realizes he’s crossed half the loft. He pushed open the door at Magnus’ “come in” and he tried to ignore the way his hand is trembling.

 

Magnus is sitting at a small table, a wipe in his hand. His eyes flicked to Alec’s face in the mirror in front of him, before he focused back on his work and slid the wipe under his eyes again, taking makeup with it.

 

“Do you need something, Alec?” he asked.

 

“I thought you’d do that with magic,” Alec asked, before he can think better of it.

 

Magnus makes another pass under his eye. “Sometimes I do,” he said. “Sometimes I don’t. Depends on the day.”

 

“Right,” Alec said and he clasped his hands behind his back. “I, uh, just wanted to see how you were doing.”

 

“I’m tired,” Magnus said as he puts down his makeup remover. “I used a lot of magic today.”

 

“I know,” Alec said. “And thank you for that. Thanks for saving my parabatai from Valentine, and for waking up Jocelyn. I -- I know I can never repay you for all that, but, just, uh. Thank you.”

 

Magnus turned on the stool he’s sitting on and his eyes shined. “You’re thanking me?” he asked.

 

Alec shifted his weight to one foot and then the other. “Yeah, of course.”

 

Magnus pushed himself off his stool and heads directly for Alec with an expression he can’t quite comprehend. Magnus pressed a hand against Alec’s shoulder and leaned forward, his lips brushing Alec’s cheek.

 

Alec felt his face heat. His chest tightened but something releases in it at the same time. Knots in his shoulders he didn’t even realize were there unwind and the next breath he took is somehow far sweeter.

 

Magnus pulled back just a little, his eyes soft and his face open. He opened his mouth and hesitated for no more than the blink of an eye before he asked, “do you need to get back to Jace? Or the Institute?”

 

“I -- no,” Alec said quietly. “No.”

 

It might be a lie, as Alec thought back to his brother, alone, and the text Izzy sent him, but. Jace said it was okay, and if Izzy found out he left this for the Institute, she might push him right out the door.

 

The corners of Magnus’ mouth twitched up in something that’s not quite a true smile, but might be better. “Then would you like to sleep here, tonight?”

 

That question brought a warmth he didn’t expect. Like a big hug or curling up under a blanket after a long day, or… or a kiss from someone special.

 

Alec felt inadequate when he breaths out “yeah,” but this time, Magnus’ smile is big and real and so warm that it makes everything perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day YEET
> 
> I'd like to issue a special thank you to Todd. His gross white ass is making sure I got plenty of spite to fuel me.

“ALEC.”

 

Alec startled awake and immediately pressed a hand against his one ear and dug the other one into the pillow under his head as he tried to escape the incessant pounding on the door.

 

“Wake up, Alec,” Jace said loudly. “Izzy said she called you like three times, how much did Magnus tire you out last night?”

 

Alec sat up as heat races up his neck and face, and he resolutely did not look down, for fear he’d see his chest flushed as well.

 

“Shut up, Jace,” he shouted back and promptly ignored Jace’s sarcastically relieved spele, which probably also contained far too much teasing. Instead, he glanced around the room, and well, he remembered Magnus telling him he would be busy with warlock stuff the next morning, but Alec can’t help but wish he could have seen his face when he woke up.

 

He tucked that thought firmly away as he brushed Magnus’ silk covers off his lower body and looked around for his shirt. It’s rather easy to spot in Magnus’ clean room, in its folded position on Magnus’ little table… which Magnus had told him was called a vanity last night.

 

Alec stood, stretched, and headed over to pick it up. As he tugged the shirt from the vanity, it brushed a piece of paper next to it and sent it floating to the ground. After pulling his shirt on, he reached down hesitantly.

 

His name is scrawled on the note in loopy handwriting.

 

_ Alexander, _

 

_ I’m sorry I couldn’t stay darling, but my duties call. I hope you’ll call me sooner than the last time you promised. You still owe me a date. _

 

_ -Magnus _

 

Alec smiled as he put the note back on the table and grabbed his phone instead. As he headed slowly to the door, he typed out a text message.

 

_ To: Magnus _

_ You could have just texted. I know you have my number. _

 

Alec pulled open the door as he slid his phone back into his pocket. He glanced up, coming nearly nose to nose with Jace, and took a quick step back.

 

“Oh good you are coming out,” Jace said. “I was wondering if you passed out in there.”

 

“Why are you lingering in front of the door?” Alec asked.

 

Jace sighed. Rather overdramatically, Alec thought.

 

“Haven’t you been listening to anything I said?” Jace asked. “Or, anything Izzy texted you, I’m sure. Maryse is back at the Institute. She’s asking for both of us.”

 

Suddenly, Alec has to resist the very strong urge to shut the door in Jace’s face and crawl back under the covers. Instead, he took a deep breath and pressed his thumb to the center of his other hand,  _ hard _ .

 

“Okay,” Alec said. “Let’s go.”

 

The lights of the Institute are harsh and unwelcome after such a warm night in Magnus’ home, and especially knowing what was waiting for him.

 

His mother did not fail to disappoint. She stormed across the Institute as soon as she laid eyes on Alec and Jace. Isabelle trailed behind her with a frown on her face.

 

“Mom -- ” Izzy is saying as Maryse pulls to a stop in front of them, her long hair swishing back and forth.

 

“Where have you been,” Maryse asked. Her voice is pitched low, but it’s hard and Alec feels part of himself sink even as another part grows only bolder.

 

Jace glanced over at Alec quickly before turning back to their mother. “We were -- ”

 

“We were at Magnus’,” Alec said before he can stop himself. Before he can be sure he even wants to, really.

 

Maryse looked at him like he had just slapped her. “ _ What _ ,” she snapped.

 

Alec clasped his hands behind his back and rolled his shoulders. “We were -- ”

 

“I heard you,” Maryse said as she rears her head back. Jace frowned at her. “You just left your sister here  _ by herself _ to deal this mess? Of all the irresponsible -- ”

 

“Magnus had information,” Izzy said, looking up. “Mom, that’s what I was trying to tell you. Magnus had information about Jocelyn and what we needed to do after he woke her up, so Jace and Alec went to get it.”

 

Alec felt his jaw slip open slightly as he stares at his little sister, but apparently Jace had no such qualms.

 

“Yeah,” he said, nodding. “We had to go really early today, since Magnus has other clients. He told us about the possible side effects of being in a magical coma.”

 

Maryse looked towards Alec who nodded quickly and tried to ignore his dry mouth.

 

“Well,” Maryse said sternly as she rested on hand on her hip. “I don’t know why that warlock couldn’t give us a better place in his schedule, but well done working around Downworlder ridiculousness. Now, I have something very important to tell you all.”

 

Maryse waved a hand for them to follow her, and they did. They all fell in line just as if they were children again. Not long ago, Alec would have thought nothing of it, but then he remembered the way Maryse had refused to look at him only two days ago, and part of his chest ached.

 

She rushed them all into a room and cast a look down the hallway before shutting the door behind her. “Things are changing in this Institute,” she said. “And I have made sure we will have the chance to gain back the honor in our name again.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Izzy asked.

 

Maryse glanced over her outfit with a critical eye. “All of you have played a part in disgracing the Lightwood name,” she said. “Izzy, with your  _ friends _ . Jace, your father. And Alec…”

 

“You’re blaming Jace for being born?”

 

“Alec was just doing what was right for him!”

 

“You can’t put it all on Izzy just for that.”

 

Maryse glanced at all of them, her lips thinning. “Whether you like it or not, you  _ all _ played a part -- ”

 

“And what about you, Mother?” Alec asked. He stared right past her face, fixing his gaze on a green book spine. “Will you take responsibility for the part you played by joining the Circle?”

 

“I’m trying  _ fix _ things,” Maryse snapped. Isabelle huffed. “There is a new Clave envoy coming soon,” Maryse said.

 

“They’re taking the job away from Lydia?” Alec asked.

 

“Yes,” Maryse said. “I’ve arranged everything so we’ll be in good favor with this envoy before they send him. You all just need to make sure that favor lasts. Is that something you can do?”

 

Alec looked over to his siblings. Jace looked confused, and slightly like he had just been hit in the gut. Izzy glared at their mother, jaw clenched so tight Alec was briefly worried she break it. Then he looked back at his mother, who stared at them all, gaze hard and hands clasped together. He took a deep breath and pushed every other thought out of his mind. He had always known when it was best to follow orders.

 

“Yes, Mother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I promised Magnus Bane centric, and that will come. Trust my bisexual, biracial butt. Magnus Bane is my one and only.
> 
> Buuut since I'm scrapping basically all the Lightwood kids' storylines, I gotta set up their new ones, plus fix the weird relationships between them now that the last episode came out where Jace is basically just ignoring Alec and Izzy again (thanks Homophobe Overton).
> 
> Annnd, I've gotta check Maryse's and Victor's storylines. I'm not completely sure about Maryse's yet, I'm stuck between a couple ideas, but she's not gonna do Jace like she did. That's something I don't believe she would do for several reasons without the fuckery of season 2. And I'm removing Victor from "black guy comes, takes over, tries to kill your brother, makes a drug addict out of your sister" storyline. Nope. Nada. Fuck that.
> 
> I still need some ideas for ships! Please leave some you'd like to see in the comments. Also, I was wondering how many people would like to see Jace and Clary actually remain siblings. Of course, they wouldn't be put together romantically if that were the case. No incest angst, I remain firm in that position.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please leave a comment! They fuel me almost as much as spite.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief heads up: You must read the first work in this series to understand this.

Alec’s fists kissed the cool fabric of the punching bag again and again, until it bounced back too far and he had to pause to steady it.

 

“Yeah,” Izzy said from behind him, her shoes making a loud _clack_ as she stopped in her tracks on the training room floor. “Mom has that effect.”

 

Alec sighed. “This isn’t about Mom.”

 

Izzy’s laugh would have been a giggle if it wasn’t as bitter. “Sure it is. You don’t have to lie to me, big brother.”

 

“Okay,” he said, finally glancing over at her. “It -- it’s a little about Mom. But it’s mostly about Lydia.”

 

Izzy shook her head quickly, her lips pushing down in confusion. “ _Lydia_? Why?”

 

“Mom went behind her back,” Alec said, looking back at the punching bag. “Lydia is just going to get replaced, and she doesn’t even know about it. And now I’m supposed to keep the secret too? Running this place is her dream and I already owe her -- ”

 

“Wait, you owe her?” Izzy asked. She took three steps closer to her brother and rested her shoulder against the punching bag. “What are you talking about?”

 

Alec frowned. “What she did for me at the wedding.”

 

“You think you owe her for that?” Izzy asked, spitting out her words so fast they almost blending together. Her hair swept her elbow as she cocked her head to the side and shook it again slowly. “Alec, no. She should have never been marrying you in the first place, she _knew_ how you felt. Not trying to make you stay in a marriage that would have killed you that… that’s nothing but basic decency. Lydia didn’t do anything for you. That was all you.”

 

Alec paused before shaking his head once, and let his eyes drop to the ground. “It just feels,” he waved his left hand and curled his fingers closer to his palm. “Wrong.”

 

Isabelle hesitated, and looked her brother up and down. “Have you talked to Magnus about this?”

 

Alec huffed. “Not really, I guess. He said what she did was amazing.”

 

“I think you should ask him. When you get a chance.”

 

“Fine,” Alec said. “Now is there anything you wanted, or can I get back to,” he gestured at the punching bag.

 

“She was going to ask you if you wanted to spar,” Jace said, stepping forward with three bow staffs in his hands. “Sorry it took me so long,” he told Izzy. She cocked a hip and rolled her eyes with a giant, over exaggerating sigh, while a smile pulled at her lips. Jace smirked right back.

 

He tossed one to Izzy, who caught it easily, and let her smile creep across her entire face. Jace held one out to Alec and raised his eyebrow in a silent question.

 

Alec smiled and gestured for his brother to throw him the damn staff.

 

\-- -- --

 

As Alec stepped out of his bathroom, drying his still wet hair from the shower he had taken after the intense spar with Izzy and Jace, he heard his phone chime from the desk.

 

_From: Magnus_

_Well, then next time I won’t bother leaving a romantic, handwritten note. Really, where has romance gone these days?_

 

_From: Magnus_

_But yes, I do have your number. Just as you have mine._

_  
_ _From: Magnus_

_I’m hinting that you should call and ask me on a date Alexander. I have done the chasing for so long, and I’m afraid my legs are rather tired._

 

Alec snorted and tossed his towel down on his desk in place of his phone before slouching back on his bed.

 

_To: Magnus_

_Okay, I got the hint. And thank you for the note._

 

Magnus replied almost immediately.

 

_From: Magnus_

_Oh, wow! So romance isn’t dead after all. I was so very worried._

 

Alec hesitated for a second, thinking back to Izzy’s words.

 

_To: Magnus_

_Are you done with your clients for today?_

 

_From: Magnus_

_I’m afraid not, darling. I’m actually with a client right now, but he’s stepped outside since he’s feeling a little under the weather. Mundanes always think they want a piece of magic, before they find out what it’s really like._

 

_From: Magnus_

_Why? Did you need something?_

 

_To: Magnus_

_No. I wanted to ask you something, but it can wait if you’re too busy._

 

_From: Magnus_

_I think I have a bit of time before Mr. Can’t Stomach It comes back. Ask away, my dear._

 

Alec took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second, before he opened them to roll them up into his head. This, this of all things, shouldn’t be making him nervous.

 

_To: Magnus_

_I wanted to ask what you think I should do. There’s some changes coming to the Institute, and Lydia might have to stop being the Acting Head. She doesn’t know about it yet, and my mom wants to keep it a secret from her_

 

_From: Magnus_

_What do you want to do?_

 

_To: Magnus_

_I guess, I don’t really know? I don’t want to disappoint my mom anymore than I already have, but I also owe Lydia_

 

_From: Magnus_

_Why do you owe Lydia?_

 

_To: Magnus_

_Because she saved my life, at my wedding. Even you said that_

 

_From: Magnus_

_Oh, Alexander, that’s not what I meant. I haven’t known many people who would let their would-be spouse walk down the aisle of their wedding to kiss someone else, but you saved yourself_

 

_To: Magnus_

_That’s what Izzy said_

 

_From: Magnus_

_Well, having worked with your sister, I can say she’s pretty smart. And I know I’m pretty smart. I have the degrees to prove it. Maybe you should listen to us_

 

_From: Magnus_

_And do what feels best to you_

 

_To: Magnus_

_Thank you_

 

_From: Magnus_

_You’re welcome_

 

_From: Magnus_

_Ah, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later, Alexander_

 

Alec laid down in his bed as his eyes drooped closed. If he slept with his hand on top of the phone just in case it buzzed again, no one had to know.

 

\-- -- --

 

The door crashing open and hitting the wall was what woke him and sent him out of bed.

 

“Oops,” Izzy muttered, sparing a glance to the door and Alec’s wall, which was surely damaged. She shrugged and looked up at him, her mouth opening.

 

He put a hand in the air and grimaced. “I think you got the message across. What do you need me for?”

 

“The Clave envoy is here.”

 

Alec’s long legs carried him far faster than Isabelle, who was nearly jogging at his side to keep up with him. “I didn’t warn Lydia -- ”

 

Izzy’s hand hit his shoulder as she stopped them both in their tracks. “That’s _okay_ , Alec.”

 

Alec pushed out a giant breath and brushed his thumb across his forefinger. “I know.” He didn’t stick around to see Izzy’s smile, but he could feel it radiating at his side the rest of the way.

 

His mother stared right at Lydia when she introduced the new Head of the Institute, with a smirk on her face. Lydia’s face twisted in a scowl, and Alec couldn’t help the guilt that welled in his chest. But when his mother nodded at him, and the new Head came right up to Alec and his siblings, he couldn’t regret not telling Lydia.

 

Victor Aldertree was a handsome man, with a smooth accent. His eyes were kind as he said, “I know you three have gone through a lot in the last few days, but I will need to speak with you about what happened at the vampire’s apartment. I’ll need to talk to Clary, too, and the vampire that was wit her.”

 

Izzy nodded. “She’s still in the infirmary, with Jocelyn and Luke. I’ll tell her you need her.”

 

“Ah,” Aldertree said. “Luke is Lucian Greymark, yes? I heard you’ve all gotten to know him quite well.”

 

They nodded in unison, but Jace eyed Aldertree with some suspicion.

 

“Do you trust him?” Aldertree asked.

 

“Yes,” Alec said, clasping his hands behind his back.

 

“He’s helped us a lot of times,” Jace said.

 

Izzy nodded. “Saved our lives a few times, too.”

 

“Good,” Aldertree said with a small smile. “He’s the leader of the New York pack, and a detective. We could use the help.”

 

Alec’s interview had been rather swift. He hadn’t really _done_ much, other that get captured, so, he supposed that did make sense. Both Jace’s and Clary’s took a little while longer.

 

“Alright,” Aldertree said, Clary trailing behind him with wide, green eyes. “I think I’ve got the picture I need, from what you four have told me. I’d like to get the vampire, Simon Lewis, and the warlock, Magnus Bane in for questioning by the end of the week, but in the meantime, I have one more question for the four of you.”

 

Aldertree glanced around the small circle they had arranged themselves in. “All of you mentioned that Magnus Bane was the one who fought of Valentine and his Circle members. How did he do this?”

 

“A spell,” Jace said.

 

Alec shot him a disapproving look, but Aldertree smiled.

 

“Thank you for being so clear, Mister Wayland,” he said. “Can anyone tell me more?”

 

“Not really,” Clary said. “I’ve never seen magic like that before.”

 

“And the two of you?” Aldertree asked, looking at Izzy and Alec. “Isabelle, I’ve heard you’re the best forensic pathologist in New York. Perhaps you know something?”

 

“No,” Izzy said. “What Magnus did to kill the Circle member holding him, I’ve read some things about spells like that. He’d have to have cast multiple spells all at once, which is impressive, but not unheard of for High Warlocks, or powerful warlocks, even. But the second one, the one he used to threaten Valentine with? I’ve never heard of anything like that, even in theory.”

 

Aldertree nodded. “Alright, I’m going to send you three,” he said, gesturing at Alec, Jace, and Izzy, “back there, with a warlock to investigate the scene.”

 

Alec clenched his hand shut. “You’re investigating Magnus?” he asked, before he could stop himself.

 

Aldertree turned to face him. “These are dangerous times. While I have no doubt Magnus Bane would not use his magic to benefit the Circle, I need to evaluate all possible threats, which includes powerful magic that we’ve never seen or heard of before.”

 

“We understand,” Isabelle said quickly. “We can also contact Magnus and let him know you’d like him to come in for questioning.”

 

“And I’ll talk to Simon,” Clary said quickly.

 

“Good,” Aldertree. “Thank you all for you time. Clary, you can make your way back to your mother now. You three, I’ll make sure the warlock is waiting for you when you get there.”

 

\-- -- --

 

Camille’s apartment was just as opulent and ridiculous as Alec remembered it. He scowled in distaste at the center of the room where he had been held with a seraph blade to his throat.

 

“Where’s this warlock?” Jace asked, his gaze sweeping over the place where Valentine had opened his portal.

 

“Here, shadowhunters,” the warlock said as she rounded a corner into the room. She held a book delicately in her left hand, and her long, black, braided hair was tucked firmly out of the way behind her ear. She stood there for a moment, before turning a page in the book she held and finally looking up. Her dark eyes swept over Jace and Alec before landing firmly on Isabelle, and a smile tugged at her lips. Her gaze flitted briefly over Isabelle’s body, before she shut her book. “My name is Anne Evelyn. I heard you need me for some magical investigation?”

 

“Can you tell us anything about the magic that was cast here?” Isabelle asked.

 

Anne smiled. “Oh, there are some spells for that,” she said as she headed for the center of the room. The soft, almost golden light in the apartment made her brown skin turn a dark russet as she lifted an arm, fingers splayed. Anne wiggled her hand and fingers briefly and a small burst of purple smokey, purple light spread throughout the apartment.

 

“Hm,” she said, turning her head to the side slightly. “There’s been some dark magic cast here. Some older stuff, but the newer… paralyzation spell, a spell that attacks the nervous system and…” Anne’s eyes widened and she yanked her arm back, her fingers curling into a fist. Whatever spell she had cast vanished immediately. “ _Hellfire_ ,” she whispered, her lips parted in shock.

 

As if in a trace, she turned, slowly, and stared right at the place where Valentine’s portal had opened, right at the spot where Magnus’ spell had killed the Circle member.

 

“ _What_ did you say?” Alec asked, taking a step forward. Izzy shot him a brief warning look.

 

Anne stayed stock still, staring for several seconds, before Alec’s words finally seemed to reach her. She closed her mouth with a faint _clack_ and turned on her heel. “I said I quit.”

 

“You _what_?” Jace asked, crossing his arms.

 

Anne’s eyes darted back over to where the Circle member’s body would have lain, before she looked back, glaring at Jace. “I _quit_ ,” she said firmly, tilting her head up. “I won’t help you prosecute Magnus Bane, I wouldn’t have even taken this job if I knew it was about him.”

 

“Wait,” Izzy said. “If Aldertree didn’t tell you this was about Magnus before, how did you figure it out?”

 

Anne chewed briefly on her lip as she hesitated but shook her head once. “It’s none of your business, shadowhunter.”

 

“We’re not trying to prosecute Magnus,” Alec said. “We just want to know what happened here.”

 

“If you were supposed to know,” Anne said sharply, “Magnus would have already told you. Now, _goodbye_ , shadowhunters.”

 

Anne created a portal and was gone through it faster than any of them could react. Izzy stared, stunned, at the spot where she had gone, and Jace let his arms fall back to his sides as he turned to look at Alec.

 

“What the hell,” Jace asked, “was that all about?”

 

Alec only wished he had an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus, my prince, the Prince of Hell. I love him.
> 
> I fixed a couple things in this chapter! This one began the long process of undoing how racist Victor's character in the show is. I also cleaned up that bit about a white, straight women (Lydia) being responsible for a gay man coming out and kissing a bisexual man of color. One of the few things I didn't like so much in season one that's carried on to season two. I don't imagine Lydia will be playing such a big part in this. I don't dislike her, really, but there are more interesting, non-white, lgbtq side characters for me to play with.
> 
> Anne Evelyn was also a character from the books. I pulled her name off the wiki; her married name is Anne Evelyn Shade. I can't promise she'll show up too many more times, but she's the beginning of a long trend with this series; every single non-evil side character that shows up will be neither straight, nor white. This is also the beginning of a ton of Downworlders respecting Magnus Bane and wanting to protect him from the Clave's bullshit. That is my kink.
> 
> And this is the beginning hopefully continuing trend of me consistently putting out chapters longer than 1k words! Next time, Alec talks to Magnus about this mysterious power, and some other stuff happens probably.
> 
> I have a twitter and a [tumblr](%E2%80%9Dgoinginforfandoms.tumblr.com%E2%80%9D) you can follow for musings about this fic and the future too!
> 
> Well, I hope you liked this chapter. Please leave a comment if you did! Comments help me stay motivated so I can keep getting this fic out as fast as possible. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is a busy man, but he manages to make time for Alec's questions and to help his dear friend, Luke.

Magnus woke the next morning, and allowed himself to take a moment longer in bed than he probably should to miss the very welcome sight of one Alec Lightwood asleep in his bed.

 

His eyes lingered on the pillow Alec had taken the night before before he shut them and stretched leisurely, applying his glamor for the day. He pushed himself out of bed with a yawn and headed over to his vanity. Just simple eyeliner today, Magnus decided, as he picked up the bottle. A few minutes and a spell to keep it nice and unsmudged later, Magnus ran a hand through his hair to dye the tips a dark red, and then headed for his closet.

 

When Magnus emerged fully dressed, the soft pinks that hailed the rise of the sun were just starting to appear in the sky. He set his phone on the table beside him, awaiting the first call of the day, while setting to work to to off the potions he had left to brew overnight. His true appointments were a little later in the day today, likely because it was the weekend and the mundanes who hired his services still had time to care about that, what with their general safety from Valentine. 

 

But his Downworld clients did not have that luxury, and neither did he. Many had requested various potions and spellwork from him, and if he had discounted his prices for them because of the times, they and their senses of pride didn’t need to know.

 

Magnus had settled in for nearly two hours of working on potions and prepping other spellwork before his first client of the day, but the knock at the door was utterly unexpected. Magnus flicked his fingers in the direction of the door, his blue magic floating around them as the lock undid itself and the door opened.

 

“Come in,” Magnus called, unwilling to take his eyes off his work.

 

At least, until his visitor passed the identification wards he had set up. He stilled for a moment as he felt Alec’s presence wash over his home, but he shook his head. This potion required attention; he couldn’t get distracted with Alexander, as much as he might have wanted to.

 

“Hi,” Alec said.

 

Magnus glanced up briefly and shot him a smile. The shadowhunters had chosen to linger in the doorway of the room. He had braced the back his shoulder against the wall and his hands were cupped together, his left thumb pushed into the palm of his right hand.

 

“Good morning, Alexander,” Magnus said. “I’m afraid I can’t get up without disturbing some of the work I’ve done, but you’re more than welcome to come over here to say a better hello.”

 

Magnus risked another glance over, and found it worth it when he got to see Alec’s blush spreading across his face, a bright red against his pale skin. He hesitated a moment before pushing himself off the door, and crossing the room in a few steps.

 

To quiet his curious mind more than anything, Magnus kept his eyes and his focus both on his work and steadfastly ignored Alec as he headed behind the couch Magnus was sat on. Alec let out a quick exhale of breath and then he was leaning over the back of the couch, his arms wrapping around Magnus’s shoulders and chest and pressing a kiss to Magnus’ cheek.

 

“Hi,” Alec said again.

 

Warmth exploded in Magnus’ chest and his heart beat double time. Automatically, his hand reached up to grasp one of Alec’s and Magnus smiled, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye.

 

“Hello,” he said. “I like this one much better.”

 

Alec muffled a laugh into Magnus’ shoulder and said, “that’s good.”

 

Magnus let go of Alec’s hand to reach for some of the herbs he had spread out on his table. “As welcome as this is, I really don’t have much time to talk, Alexander. I’ll be doing various spell prep work until I have to leave, and then I have clients for nearly the rest of the day.”

 

Alec’s breath stopped for a moment before he inhaled deeply. “Does a lot of your magic take preparation?”

 

Magnus tilted his head slightly to the side. “Almost none of it, actually,” he said. “Some potions, some larger spells, usually protection ones. I can do almost all of the spells I’m working on here with no preparation at all, but doing this work does help me converse my magic. Useful when I have multiple clients in a row that want me to cast large spells.”

 

“I -- I have something to tell you,” Alec said quickly. 

 

Magnus’s hands stuttered to a stop over the potion he was casting on, but he nodded slightly and then continued. “Go ahead,” he said.

 

“The new envoy from the Clave, the one I told you about,” Alec said. “He sent Jace, Izzy, and me back to Camille’s apartment. With a warlock.”

 

Magnus stopped his spell and leaned back on the couch and on Alec. “Ah,” he said as he drew his hands closer, fidgeting with a ring on his thumb. “And what did they tell you?”

 

“She quit, actually,” Alec said. “After she somehow figured out you were the one who had been there.”

 

Magnus sighed and cast a quick spell to make his potions, herbs, and prep work freeze in time,  hoping it would neutralize the magic churning around them long enough for him to have this conversation.

 

Reluctantly, Magnus brushed Alec’s arms off his shoulders and he stood. Alec straightened and followed Magnus as he went for his kitchen.

 

“Tea,” Magnus said as he raised a small cup. “I always make it in the morning, but I usually forget to drink it. I’ve already put some on for you. It’ll be ready in a moment.”

 

Alec nodded and looked down. His hands went to his back and he rolled his shoulders. Magnus frowned at that, knowing all too well the soldier’s stance Alec fell into when he felt he was out of his depth.

 

“How did she know it was me?” Magnus asked, taking a sip of his tea.

 

Alec shook his head slightly. “I don’t know,” he said. “She did some sort of spell that let her… see the magic that had been cast there, I guess? I figured you’d know more about that sort of stuff then me.”

 

Magnus hummed quietly. “Yes, I know what you’re talking about.”

 

“And, I just -- I don’t know,” Alec shrugged. “I guess she found something that proved it was you, because she just looked really stunned and then just said she quit because she didn’t want to help investigate you.”

 

Magnus smiled into his cup. “That was nice of her. What was her name? I should send her a thank you.”

 

“Uh, Anne Evelyn.”

 

“Oh, Anne!” Magnus said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her. Last I heard she was in Italy, I wonder why your new envoy chose her. Did she, perhaps, say anything about what she found before she quit?”

 

Alec pressed his lips tightly together before he nodded slightly. “She said something about Hellfire.”

 

Magnus set his tea back on the counter and took a step closer to Alec. “Alec, there are things you don’t know about me yet, things I haven’t shared because I don’t like to talk about them. What Anne found was a particular spell, one that’s special. It’s dark magic and,” Magnus glanced away, “it’s something only I can do.”

 

The silence that fell was broken by a  _ pop _ that Magnus knew only he could hear. Abandoning his tea, he quickly made his way back over to the table he was working at before and let his magic and presence stabilize the roiling magic the potions and unfinished spellwork were generating.

 

Moments later, Alec’s footsteps followed and this time, he took up a spot in front of Magnus. “You’re busy,” he said. “And I shouldn’t have asked you about something you weren’t ready to talk about.”

 

“It’s perfectly alright,” Magnus said. “You were just doing your job. And,” he added when he saw Alec glance towards the floor again, “it’s okay to be curious about me and my magic. There’s just some things I’m not ready to tell you yet.”

 

Alec nodded. “I understand,” he said with a gentle smile. “I’ll let you get back to work.”

 

He headed for the door until Magnus called his name. “Did you three tell anyone about this?” Magnus asked.

 

A small smirk pulled at Alec’s lips. “No,” he said. “We just told Aldertree that Anne left before she could explain. Which, isn’t a lie.”

 

Magnus couldn’t help his small laugh. “No it isn’t,” he said. “Thank you, Alexander. And thank your brother and sister for me.”

 

“I will,” Alec said. “And I’ll see you later?”

 

Magnus nodded. “Of course,” he said.

 

And even Alec left, Magnus found he couldn’t quite wipe the smile off his face.

 

\-- -- --

 

Magnus left his the meeting of one of his mundane clients with a briefcase of cash (it was surprising how many times that had happened outside of a movie) and a roll of his eyes. Rich mundanes might pay well for his services, but they were always rather irritating.

 

As Magnus reached to check his schedule, his phone buzzed. He was already reaching to decline it when the contact name registered. He hit answer immediately.

 

“Hello, Luke,” Magnus said.

 

_ “Hey Magnus,” _ Luke replied.  _ “Sorry to bother you, I talked to Alec and it sounded like you had a busy day today.” _

 

Magnus sighed. “What day isn’t busy anymore?”

 

Luke made a bitterly amused sound of agreement.  _ “I don’t want to put you out,” _ Luke said,  _ “but Jocelyn’s been itching to get out of the infirmary. The new Head won’t let her unless she’s been cleared, but the healers here have no idea what the effects of a magical coma is. She wanted me to ask you if you had time to come check on her.” _

 

Magnus hummed and then laughed. “Something tells me she wasn’t so polite about it.” He could practically hear Luke’s eye roll through the phone. “Ah, right on the money, was I? Why do we put up with all these shadowhunters, Lucian?”

 

_ “You know I used to be one of those shadowhunters, Magnus.” _

 

“Yes, and now you’re just one of us corrupted animals. How does it feel?”

 

_ “Well, I instantly became a lot less pretentious, so that was a nice change.” _

 

Magnus nodded seriously, even though Luke couldn’t see it. “A miracle, really.”

 

Luke laughed.  _ “Do you have enough time today?” _ he asked.  _ “It’s okay if you don’t.” _

 

“Well,” Magnus said, “luckily enough for you and that bossy shadowhunters that you love, I have an order refill for your pack. I was going to just drop it off at Jade Wolf, but I can detour to the Institute instead.”

 

_ “Thank you, Magnus. I’ll meet you when you get here.” _

 

\-- -- --

 

The Institute was as busy as always, shadowhunters running around like excited ants, trying to catch whatever was the threat of the moment, be it imagined or true.

 

Hmm, Magnus thought to himself. Maybe he was a little bitter.

 

“Magnus?”

 

Magnus turned to see Alec walking up to him, looking slightly confused and more than a little worried.

 

“What are you doing here?” Alec asked before Magnus could say anything. “Is there something wrong?”

 

“Not at all, dear,” Magnus said. “Luke invited me to check on Jocelyn.”

 

Alec’s eyebrows pinched together. “Luke? But he’s not -- ”

 

“Magnus.”

 

Magnus spun on his heel, his smile widening. “Luke,” he said, lifting his arms and stepping forward to embrace Luke. “Less of a sight for sore eyes than the time you were dying out on my couch, I’ll give you that.”

 

Luke groaned. “Please, Magnus,” he said. “Don’t tease about looks, it’s not fair. I can’t hit back.”

 

Magnus tilted his head up and smirked, running a finger over his ear clasp. “I know, my friend. I just don’t play fair.”

 

“You never have.”

 

Alec made a noise behind him. When Magnus looked back, he saw that Alec’s eyes were wide and looking back and forth between him and Luke. “You two know each other?” he asked.

 

“Of course,” Magnus said. “It was hard not to, what with Valentine. And -- ”

 

“And they both disagreed with some of my choices,” Jocelyn said, walking up behind Luke. “Hey,” Jocelyn said softly to him, leaning forward to brush a kiss against his cheek. Luke looked down at her with warmth in his eyes as she glanced back towards Alec, and then to Magnus. “I think they bonded over it.” She eyed them both, gaze lingering on Luke with a soft smile pulling at her lips. Magnus shrugged. She didn’t need to know how true that was.

 

Jocelyn turned to Magnus and nodded at him. “Thank you for coming.”

 

Magnus nodded. “You’re welcome,” he said. “Let’s get this examination going.”

 

Less than a fifteen minutes later, Magnus let his magic fade from the air. “You’re fine,” he told Jocelyn. Luke smiled from where he stood, arms crossed, in the corner. “I can’t feel any dangerous side effects. You may have some trouble readjusting to some foods, and you may get tired faster than you used to, but those will fade in time. You can go back to active shadowhunter duty at any time.”

 

Jocelyn smiled and nodded, thanking him one more time. Luke nodded to the door, and Magnus followed him out into the hallway.

 

“Thank you, Magnus,” Luke told him as they walked to the entrance of the Institute. “You’ve gotten involved more than you wanted to, I know, and I wish they hadn’t asked you to.”

 

“It’s alright, my friend,” Magnus said. “Valentine caught me by surprise when he attacked my lair. That was a mistake that cost lives.”

 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Luke said.

 

“No,” Magnus said. “But it is my responsibility to take care of the warlocks and the other downworlders in New York.”

 

“That job just got a lot harder,” Luke said as Magnus pushed open the front door of the Institute. “But maybe I can help you take some of the weight.”

 

Magnus sighed. “I fear you’ll have to.” He snapped his fingers, a portal swirling open behind him. “But just as I am not doing this by myself, neither are you. A downworlder alone is no longer safe in this world.”

 

Luke nodded and clasp his hands together in front of his body. Magnus wondered if he realized his eyes flared green. “We stand together,” he said.

 

Magnus smiled and let his glamor drop. His cat eyes shined as he stepped back into the portal. “To survive, we must.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garrobane is life, Garrobane is love. Let moc tease each other, let them hug each other, let them be there for each other, let them love each other, platonically or no.
> 
> Also, Magnus and Alec are so cute I wanted to punch them, what gives them the goddamn right.
> 
> And this is my first Magnus pov chapter! I don't often write from the pov of my favorite characters, since I prefer to baby them in the pov of their most loved ones, but I do so love dipping into Magnus' head.
> 
> I have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/levayajade) and a [tumblr](goinginforfandoms.tumblr.com) that you can go follow! I talk about this fic on both quite a bit.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment below, the ones I've gotten have helped motivate me so much.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace talks to Clary and Alec and struggles with things he doesn't understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Depression, thoughts of suicide, dissociation

Jace took a deep breath as sun began to filter in through the windows, as the slide on his sheets against his skin and the heavy feeling of his head against his pillow wiggled to the forefront of his mind.

 

He exhaled and that rush of vanishing breath left a gaping hole in his chest that ached. He closed his eyes once again, just briefly, as he hand sought the rune on his hip.

 

That rune, his bond with Alec, they had become touchstones these last few days. Sometimes, Jace wondered if Alec could feel how bad it was. Sometimes, Jace thought back to the years before, when he remembered feeling something like this pain, just a flicker, coming from the bond.

 

Jace needed to apologize. To a lot of people, probably, but none more than Alec. And he needed to thank him too, and to tell him, in a way that didn’t say too much, that he and Izzy were the only reasons Jace could make it out of bed in the morning. The only reason he kept his heart beating.

 

The yawning pit in his chest ached and sleep pushed back in on his eyelids. He shook it off, and slowly, with all his nerves pulsing with a dull, throbbing pain. Jace had never felt anything like it before, but now it was there constantly.

 

He stared bleakly at the showers before running a hand over his hair and pulling on his wrinkled shirt. Energy was hard to come by these days, and he needed to save all of it he could.

 

That, of course, was not helped when someone crashed into him and sent him stumbling back into the wall. Red hair darted in front of his vision.

 

“Jace -- !” Clary said, her green eyes wide. “Oh, Jace, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

 

He blinked and pushed himself off the wall. “It’s fine,” he said and suddenly realized how dead he sounded.

 

Clary heard it too apparently. Her mouth fell open just a little as her eyes darted over his face. Her lips shut, tightening into a white line that pulled downward at the corners. “Are… are you okay?” she asked.

 

Jace glanced to the side. “I’m fine,” he said. “I -- I have to go.”

 

Clary deflated like a popped balloon. “Okay,” she said.

 

He brushed past her, walking further and further away. Words bubbled in his mouth, on the tip of his tongue, and he kept walking.

 

Until he just couldn’t bare it anymore.

 

“Clary,” he said, spinning around. Clary did the same further down the hallway, her eyes widening again. “Do you have time to talk?”

 

She looked a little like he had just slapped her in the face. Her jaw dropped again, but this time she didn’t hesitate as she nodded several times. “Yes, yes I do,” she said quickly, like she was afraid he would change his mind. When he thought about it again, Jace realized she was probably right to do so.

 

They ended up shuffled off into one of the smallest rooms in the Institute. Jace could only ever remember being in this one a few times. Clary took a seat on one of the padded stools in the room and as much as Jace felt the desire to sink into one, he made himself stay standing, because he also felt the desire to never get up again.

 

Clary tucked her hands in between her knees and glanced up at him nervously. “What did you want to talk about?” she asked.

 

Jace closed his eyes and pushed away the urge to never open them. He didn’t have anything planned to say and he couldn’t think of anything besides, “this is weird.”

 

And Clary… Clary laughed.

 

It was a small laugh, maybe even more of a sigh than anything but it still made him stare in shock.

 

“Sorry,” Clary said quickly. “I just -- I know. It’s  _ so _ weird.”

 

Jace crossed his arms and tucked them close to his body. “I’m sorry I brushed you off earlier,” he said quickly. “Before… everything. I just didn’t know what to say. I still don’t.”

 

“I don’t either, Jace,” she said. “Strangely enough, this hasn’t happened to me before.”

 

And as a smile pulled at his lips, Jace realized that was the most like himself he had felt in weeks.

 

“Me neither,” he said.

 

Clary hesitated once more. “I just… I have to know. Do you still have those… feelings? I don’t,” she said quickly. “I mean, I feel a little like I need to take a bath in holy water, but… wait, do you guys have holy water?”

 

“No,” Jace said absently. He thought back to those feelings he had for Clary when she had first come, the ones that had only grown the longer she stayed. They had burned red hot but now… 

 

“I still feel a connection with you, Jace,” Clary said gently. “But I don’t have those kinds of feelings for you anymore.”

 

But now those flames had winked out, like they had never been there. Now, it was a cool, calming feeling like running water over a rock. Like stability.

 

Like Alec and Izzy. Like Max.

 

Smaller, maybe, that stream cutting a less sure path through his life, but the water rushed just as fast. A connection.

 

“Yeah,” Jace said. “Yeah, that’s how I feel too.”

 

Clary smiled then. It wasn’t huge, but it was real. It didn’t make his stomach swoop anymore, but it made his heart warm. Just like it did when Isabelle smiled. Clary stood and took a step forward, her hesitance growing again.

 

“Can… Can I hug you?” she asked.

 

Jace was nodding before he even realized it and when he felt himself wrapped in Clary’s arms, he realized something else too: he ached less.

 

“Hey,” Clary said, pulling away with a wavering smile on her face. “I… I wanted to ask you if you wanted to meet my mom.”

 

Jace frowned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

 

Clary shook her head sadly. “I don’t know,” she said. “I have no idea how to work with this, but I know she wants to meet you. I haven’t told her about you yet because I thought you might want to tell her yourself.”

 

Jace hesitated. “Just… a little later, okay? I wanted to find Alec.”

 

“Yeah,” Clary said, nodding quickly. “Yeah, yeah, that’s totally okay. Just come and find me -- us, whenever you’re ready.”

 

\-- -- --

 

Jace found Alec on in the training room, bow in hand, and quiver slipped over his shoulder. Jace called his name from across the room and Alec glanced up and grinned at him.

 

For years, Alec had felt best when he had a bow in hand, but nothing compared to what Jace could glean off him now.

 

“Hey,” Alec said as he crossed the room, pausing to tuck his bow away. “Do you need something.”

 

“Yeah,” Jace said. “I wanted to talk to you.”

 

Alec raised his eyebrows, looking over his face. “Really?” he asked.

 

Jace huffed a laugh. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m, uh, turning over a new leaf.”

 

Alec smiled and chuckled. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “Let’s get out of the way.”

 

Jace talked to Alec as they walked, telling him about the conversation he’d had with Clary, and with every step, he felt himself grow lighter and lighter. He felt the pain recede and he felt his smile widen.

 

“That’s good,” Alec said, turning to face him. “I’m glad you two are working things out.”

 

“Me too,” Jace said. “But you and Magnus, huh? You two are going pretty well?”

 

“I, uh,” Alec said and Jace watched happily as a blush spread over his brother’s face. “Yeah, I -- I think so. I mean, I don’t have a great range of reference, but I think it’s going well.”

 

“Well, that’s awesome,” Jace said. 

 

And now he hesitated. This was the part he wasn’t sure of, the part he’d never really done. Talking with Clary had been easier. She drove the conversation and Jace just… thought and said what he thought before he could think too much of it. With Alec, well, neither of them were really used to really  _ feeling _ feelings. And they certainly weren’t used to talking about it.

 

“IwantedtosayI’msorry,” Jace said quickly. No thinking, just action. That, he could do.

 

But he had apparently forgotten who he was talking to. Thinking was Alec’s  _ thing _ , as he and Izzy had dubbed it long ago.

 

Alec looked stunned. “What?”

 

“I… I’ve haven’t been there for you very much,” Jace said, “especially since all of this started, but even before that. I should have been there for you when you asked, I shouldn’t have trusted Clary more than you, I shouldn’t have said what I said in front of the City of Bones I just… I should have been there for you. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. And I’m sorry.”

 

Alec stared at him for several seconds, his eyes blinking closed and shut quickly like he was trying to wake from a dream. “Uh…” he stuttered. “No -- it’s -- you’re forgiven,” he said, finally, nodding. “You’re forgiven.”

 

Jace smiled, and clapped a hand to Alec’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he said softly. And before Alec could respond, he pulled him into a hug.

 

It took Alec a second to relax into it, but as soon as he did, Jace whispered into his ear, “and if you ever need any help with Magnus, you know where to find me.”

 

And Jace took off running before his brother could start yelling at him. If they got in trouble for chasing each other through the Institute halls like children, well that was okay. They were brothers. And even when Izzy tripped them with her whip, Jace still laughed a real laugh, and felt better than he had in so, so long.

 

\-- -- --

 

Jace didn’t eat lunch. He couldn’t bring himself to even look at the food.

 

Jace didn’t go to weapons practice. His legs just wouldn’t take him there.

 

Jace didn’t shower. He couldn’t make his arms turn the facet.

 

Jace was helpless.

 

He wandered out that night, before anyone could see him reject dinner too. He was empty again, aching, and just so, so tired.

 

And Jace didn’t know  _ why _ .

 

Everything today had been so  _ good _ . It had all gone so  _ well _ . He had talked to his sister, talked to his brother. He had acted like a kid. He’d had fun, he’d smiled, he’d laughed, he’d felt  _ happy _ .

 

Now it was all just gone. Like it had never happened.

 

The streets of New York were always lit, but tonight, those harsh, bright lights blurred in front of his eyes as he walked and walked and walked. His shoulder hit a brick wall and he could feel the bruise. That was okay. At least he could feel that, too.

 

“-ce. Jace. Can you hear me?”

 

Huh, Jace wondered. When had he gone underwater?

 

A hand hit his shoulder and he gasped. Lights flared all around him, the broken ache of his chest and the throbbing pain of his bruised shoulders came crashing back down all at once. He launched himself towards whoever had grabbed him, throwing a punch, and then a kick.

 

Whoever it was dodged both of them deftly and called his name again. The voice… it was familiar.

 

“Magnus?” Jace asked, dropping his fists to his side. “What…?”

 

The warlock took a step closer to him. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t want to touch you until you were back to yourself, but I couldn’t tell if you could actually hear me.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Jace asked. His voice hitched and all of a sudden, he realized he felt like crying.

 

“You were dissociating,” Magnus said. Jace flinched as a horn went off somewhere and Magnus nodded. “Do you want to come back to my loft? I’ll let Alec and the others know where you are.”

 

Jace nodded so quickly the entire world spun.

 

The next thing he knew, he was sitting on a couch. A soft couch. The lights were dim and he had a blanket draped over his head and shoulders.

 

Jace looked up and around, his eyes finally settling on Magnus, who was sat in a chair opposite and a little to the left of him. Magnus smiled softly.

 

“You’re back,” he said.

 

“Why,” Jace’s voice shook and he took a moment to calm himself. “Why do you keep saying that?”

 

Magnus hesitated. “Jace,” he said. “You went into a dissociated state. Your mind couldn’t handle being… awake, so it shut down as a defense mechanism. Lights started to blur, sounds started to go dim, you couldn’t really hear or feeling anything?”

 

Jace blinked and the blanket fell from his head to his shoulders. “Uh, yeah.”

 

Magnus nodded. “That’s what I thought. I’m sorry about touching you and portaling you, by the way. It’s better not to do those with someone who’s dissociating. It can be a real shock to the system. I wouldn’t have if you had been safer outside. Or anywhere else, really.”

 

“Thank you,” Jace whispered. His voice shook again and his eyes burned. He could feel his hands trembling.

 

“Hey,” Magnus said. “It’s okay if you feel like you need to cry. Being emotional is common after coming out of a dissociated state.”

 

Jace nodded abortively, and resolved to ignore the wetness he felt on his face. “How… how did you find me?”

 

“Alec said you hadn’t been at the Institute in a while,” Magnus said. “He sounded worried, so I decided to track you for him. I know I said I’d call right after I brought you here, but I wasn’t sure if you’d want them to see you like this.”

 

“Thank you,” Jace said again.

 

Magnus went completely silent then and Jace could feel his gaze searching his face, searching him. “You’re welcome” Magnus said, at last. “But Jace, dissociation doesn’t just happen for no reason. You don’t have to tell me about it, but -- ”

 

“I don’t know!” Jace said suddenly, standing. “I don’t know what this is, everything just hurts, but it’s like I’m empty too, and I don’t feel happy and I thought it was getting better, but now it’s just  _ not _ and I don’t know what to  _ do _ .”

 

Magnus stood slowly, stretching an arm out. “It’s okay,” Magnus said. “You don’t have to know what to do. Jace, you’re depressed. Have you ever felt like this before?”

 

Jace was about to say no, but he stopped. Hesitated. Thought.

 

It had never been like this. It had never ached so bad or put him down so hard, but that emptiness… that hole. That had been there for a long, long time. Slowly, Jace nodded.

 

“Okay,” Magnus said softly. “You have depression. Maybe some other things too, but it’s probably been exacerbated by your father coming back into your life again. That’s okay, Jace. It’s okay. There are things we can do to help. I can give you some things that might help, but it’s nothing compared to talking to someone you trust. About  _ everything _ .”

 

“How do you know?” Jace asked. He wanted to believe him, but that emptiness, it just devoured everything in its path.

 

Jace couldn’t exactly pinpoint  _ what _ expression crossed Magnus’s face right then, but he knew it felt familiar.

 

“Because I’ve been there too.”

 

\-- -- --

 

Jace stayed at Magnus’ penthouse that night. Alec had come and stayed too. He hadn’t said anything, he just looked at him and smiled, and Jace was grateful even though he knew how fast that little bit of happiness would fade away.

 

That morning, Magnus made eye contact with him as he put something in one of the cups of tea he was preparing for them. He didn’t say a word but he clearly asked a question, and Jace nodded and Magnus put down the cup in front of him. Jace took a deep breath before he drank it all.

 

It didn’t work like magic. Or, well, Jace guessed it was something magic, but it didn’t feel everything like he was so used to having it do. 

 

He thought about what Magnus had said to him. How what Magnus had done for him would help, but not like having someone be there for him would. Not like how opening his mouth and just talking would.

 

That idea sat uncomfortably with him, a little like how a small rock felt if it were rested on his chest. Jace didn’t want to open up to someone like that. Feelings were a weakness, he’d always been taught. To tell someone he felt so empty, so fragile, so  _ weak _ … wouldn’t that just make it worse?

 

But he didn’t want to do nothing either. Whatever Magnus had given him, it lifted  _ something _ from his body. It sharpened things, clarified them in a light he hadn’t been able to see in a long time. It wasn’t the magic fix that Jace had known Magnus wouldn’t be able provide. But it helped. It made him feel… not better, not exactly, but different.  _ Ready _ .

 

And so, later that day, he found Clary and he told her so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I played a lot of my own experiences with depression and dissociation in this. When I dissociate, it's usually heavily tied with my sensory overloads, so I hope I portrayed it correctly here too. And, of course, everyone will have different experiences. 
> 
> I hoped you all liked this. I hate the incest angst, and that they utterly ignore that their characters showcase suicidal tendencies after the scene plays out. I definitely wanted to fix that.
> 
> I haven't solidified yet the future of Clary and Jace, but without a doubt, there will be no romantic feelings from them while they are siblings or why they think they are siblings.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and please leave a comment!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a dark secret finds the light, Magnus and Luke step in to figure things out, with the help of an old friend.

“That’s not possible.”

 

Jocelyn’s hands curled into fists, and her lips pressed together, her face slowly draining of color.

 

Luke stood in the corner of the room, Jace and Clary before him. Jace had finally been ready to talk to Jocelyn about everything; Luke had known the minute they stepped in the room, from the glowing smile on Clary’s face.

 

He was sure she didn’t expect it to go this way.

 

Jocelyn’s eyes had filled with tears the moment Clary had mentioned Jonathan, but when Clary said she was still alive, and Jace had stepped forward, Jocelyn had turned hard.

 

“What?” Clary asked, glancing between Jace and Jocelyn.

 

“I saw you burn,” Jocelyn said. “There was a fire -- ”

 

“Valentine survived it,” Luke said and Jocelyn’s eyes shot to him, and all he could see the deep, lurking silent whenever she thought about that time.

 

“It’s him, Mom,” Clary said. “I don’t understand why you’re fighting this!”

 

“Oh, Clary,” Jocelyn said, reaching a hand out to cup her daughter’s cheek. “Clary, you don’t understand.”

 

“You don’t want me,” Jace said. His eyes darted everywhere in the room except for at her, and his shoulders curled in on themselves.

 

Clary whirled to face him, her jaw falling open. “That’s not true!” she all but shouted. “Mom, tell him that’s not true.”

 

Luke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wanted to be here, he reminded himself, bad memories be damned.

 

“I did want you,” Jocelyn said and her voice broke. “I loved you so much. But Valentine, he did awful things. He experimented on you, changed you. With demon blood. And you… you -- ”

 

She took Jace’s hand, drawing her stele against a rune on her arm. Their eyes flashed white and both were still until Jace pulled back, gasping like he had just run a mile with tears in his eyes. He looked at Jocelyn with more fear than Luke had ever seen him look at a demon with, before he turned and ran.

 

“Jace!” Clary said. She spun on her mom, anger shaking her small frame. “What are you doing?”

 

“Clary, listen,” Jocelyn said. “I’m a victim here. And you… you just don’t understand, but I can show you -- ”

 

She reached for Clary’s arm, but Clary snatched it away, shaking her head. “I don’t care what you showed him,” she said. “I know him. He’s a  _ good _ person.”

 

Clary turned and ran after Jace. Jocelyn gasped quietly, clutching an arm close to her body. She closed her eyes for a second and let out a small, soft breath. She opened them, and her eyes shined still with tears, but they were also hard.

 

And Luke shook his head. “Do you know what that reminded me of?” he asked.

 

Jocelyn looked up at him, confusion written all over her face. Slowly, she shook her head.

 

“My parents,” he said. “They stood in front of me, looked at the places where runes were once on my skin. They called me a beast, a monster, a demon. And they threw me out on the streets.”

 

Jocelyn looked like he had just slapped her. Good, Luke thought. She needed to hear that. She needed to hear everything.

 

“Luke,” she said, as she stepped forward, her hands outstretched. “It’s not -- ”

 

Luke took a step back. “No, it’s exactly like that. You think you’re better than them, but as long as you do things like that,” Luke jabbed a finger to the door Jace had run through, “you’re not.”

 

He was gone before Jocelyn could say another word. And he pretended he didn’t hear her sob when the door was closed.

 

It was easy to find Jace in the Institute. Clary had placed a hand on his shoulder, but she looked utterly helpless as she tried to think of words to say that would comfort him.

 

“My parents threw me out,” Luke said, coming to a stop beside them and crossing his arms. Jace looked up at him, stunned. “When I told them I was a werewolf. They called me a monster, called me trash, and then threw me out.”

 

Clary made a desperately sad noise, but they both ignored her. Jace stared up at him.

 

“Is it true?” he asked.

 

“That you have demon blood?” Luke asked. “I don’t know. I really don’t. But I know you’re not a monster. And I do know someone who could probably help us figure all this out.”

 

He turned away from Jace as the boy’s eyes unfocused once again, and pulled out his phone. Clary glanced between them both, nervous, yet helpless. She stayed close to Jace, squeezing his shoulder. Luke was sure he didn’t even feel her there.

 

Magnus picked up his phone on the third ring. “My dear werewolf friend,” he said. “I don’t suppose you’re calling me just to gossip?”

 

“Afraid not, Magnus,” Luke said. “I have something I want you to check out. Are you home?”

 

“Strangely, yes,” Magnus said. “But, I have to tell you, it’s not the best time.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Luke said. “I wouldn’t be bothering you if I thought anyone else could give us answers. I know you’re busy, and I know even more how you should get some rest.”

 

“No rest for the wicked, my friend,” Magnus replied. “I’ll open a portal outside the Institute.”

 

“Thank you,” Luke said.

 

Magnus sighed dramatically and replied with a gently sarcastic “you’re welcome,” before he hung up.

 

“Jace,” Luke called. It took a minute for him to look up. “I talked to Magnus. He’s going to help you figure this out. He’s waiting for us right now.”

 

Jace bobbed his head, his mouth hanging open just slightly. “Okay,” he said softly. “Magnus, okay.”

 

“Let’s go,” Luke said gently. Jace pulled away from Clary and headed toward the front of the Institute in a daze.

 

Clary made to go after him, but Luke slipped in front of her to block her path. She stared at him in shock, her nose scrunching up and her mouth opening to protest.

 

Luke cut her off. “You can’t come. I know you want to be there for him, but this is private. Stay with your mom.”

 

Her lips now pulling down in a harsh frown, Clary shook her head. “She said such mean things, I don’t understand.”

 

Luke sighed. This, this was something they all needed to discuss, but now was not the time. “Jocelyn is a shadowhunter,” Luke said. “She says and thinks some things about downworlders without understanding what they sound like. You’ll do it to.”

 

Clary jerked her head back, red hair fluttering around her shoulders. “I would  _ never _ \-- ” she said, her voice rising with every word.

 

“No,” Luke said. “You will. You have.”

 

He turned his back then, and each echo of his feet on the hard Institute floor reminded me of the years long past when he had called this place home.

 

\-- -- --

 

The portal spit them out right in Magnus’ living room. Magnus was already rising to his feet when they stepped out, but upon the sight of Jace, Alec also sprung up from his place on Magnus’ couch.

 

“Jace?”

 

Jace’s jaw fell open, and then quickly shut and clenched. He looked away. Magnus looked over him for not more than a second before turning to Alec.

 

“Alexander, my dear,” he said smoothing, reaching out to place a light hand on Alec’s chest. It took a moment for Alec to pull his eyes off Jace to look at the warlock. “Could you possibly wait outside the room? I hate to ask this of you, but it seems I’ve just acquired a new client.”

 

“I--” Alec said, unable to keep his eyes from straying back to Jace. “Yeah, sure, I… of course, but… okay.”

 

Alec rolled his shoulders back and stepped away, his eyes flicking curiously around the other occupants of the room before he sighed softly and headed for the doorway.

 

“No,” Jace said just as Alec quite literally had one foot out the door. He looked up and directly at Alec, his eyes hard. “You’re my parabatai. You should stay.”

 

Alec hesitated for a moment before stepping back into the room. He turned his back to a wall and pulled his arms behind his back. He looked like a soldier ready for battle when he nodded.

 

Luke told the story when Jace stumbled over his words. Neither Magnus, nor Alec said a word through the entire tale. Both of them watched with a serious look on their face. Magnus reached up a hand to trace the clip on his ear.

 

All eyes went to the warlock as Luke finished the story, but Magnus was already shaking his head.

 

“That doesn’t sound possible,” he said.

 

Jace’s jaw dropped open. “Are… are you serious?”

 

“Very,” Magnus said. “To inject any creature with the blood, the DNA, of another species is always risky and can have varying degrees of accuracy. Most die. To inject a child with one would go poorly, to say the least. Using demon blood? Well, that just ups the likelihood of something going wrong. And to inject a part angel with demon blood? That would likely be disastrous. And even if it did succeed, it wouldn’t create something as simple as a shadowhunter with demon blood.”

 

“Magnus,” Alec said. “What do you mean?”

 

Magnus frowned and fiddled with some of the rings on his fingers. “There are, obviously, many creatures with demon blood. Werewolves, vampires, warlocks. However, these are all part mudanes. Werewolves and vampires are both made, not born, but there is a high chance that anyone in the transformation process will die.

 

“Warlocks, on the other hand, are  _ born _ . We were created half demon, half human, and so there is no injecting anything. Warlocks have a very small chance at dying until they are born.”

 

“What about Seelies?” Jace asked. “They’re half demon, half angel.”

 

Magnus pointed at him. “Precisely. But they’re also  _ born _ , like warlocks, not created like werewolves or vampires. Their demon blood was not an invasion or poison, like it is for werewolves and vampires, like it would be for you. And, furthermore, look at Luke.”

 

Luke blinked. “Me?”

 

Magnus nodded. “You. You were a shadowhunter before demon blood was able to spawn in you. But now…”

 

“Now I’m a werewolf,” Luke said. “Nothing else. I get it. If Jace was injected with demon blood, he would have become something  _ else _ . He wouldn’t just be a shadowhunter.”

 

“Precisely,” Magnus said. “When you were bitten by the werewolf that turned you, it injected its venom into your bloodstream. That venom infects and physically changes the blood and physiology of the injectee. In Luke, and the other shadowhunters that have been turned, it corrupted all traces of angel blood in his body and morphed them into demon blood, while coexisting, though not exactly peacefully, with his mundane blood. Because the angel blood had been purged and turned to demon blood, Luke lost what made him a shadowhunter, and became a werewolf.

 

“Even if Valentine somehow was able to force demon blood to not corrupt angel blood, which I  _ suppose _ he could have managed to do when he bypassed the venom injection, Jace would not simply just be a shadowhunter, because you would have angel and demon blood coexisting inside you. Since you have not expressed any special powers, particularly any Seelie-esque powers, we can assume this is a lie.”

 

Magnus finished with a flourish of his hands, and Luke tried very hard to pretend he didn’t see the way Alec was looking at Magnus. Thankfully, it seemed that Jace had other things on his mind, for Alec would surely never hear the end of it.

 

Jace rubbed the palms of his hands together, frowning. “I… there is something.”

 

“Something what,” Alec said, finally tearing his eyes off Magnus to look at his brother. Magnus’ gaze flittered to Alec and his lips pulled up in a small smirk when he spotted the two spots of color high on his cheeks.

 

“Some… special power,” Jace said. “Or, well, I think so. Jocelyn showed me a vision, it was me as a baby in her arms. I touched a flower and it just died. And my eyes, they turned black.”

 

Luke cast a sharp glance at Magnus, who was frowning again. “Where there any sparks or mists? Did you cast magic?”

 

“I… I don’t know, I didn’t see anything like that.”

 

Magnus rubbed his fingers together. “Having demon blood doesn’t mean you go around corrupting and destroying everything you touch. An inability to control powers foraged by demon blood is a staple of every kind of downworlder, but those display in specific ways.”

 

“It’s hard for new werewolves to control their transformations,” Luke said. “Simon tells me that it’s the same for vampires.”

 

“It is very much the same for vampires,” Magnus said. “For warlocks and Seelies, random outbursts of magic are common. While these can be destructive in nature, they are very obviously  _ magic _ , not just some evil touch.”

 

“But that had to mean  _ something _ right?” Jace asked. “I mean, it happened.”

 

Magnus took a seat back on his couch, crossing his legs and sliding a hand up to rub at his temples. “It could mean more than one thing, but I’m not the most qualified to figure it out. Thankfully, I know someone who might be better prepared than me.”

 

“Who?”

 

Magnus stood, snapping a piece of paper into his hand. He set it down and flicked his hand across it, trailing blue magic that left words in its wake. “A friend of mine. She’s experienced with healing magic, and knows physiology much better than I.” 

 

Magnus sent the message through the fire as Jace and Alec shuffled themselves over to take a seat on his couch. Magnus stood by his fireplace, lost in thought and frowning. Luke made his way over to the warlock.

 

“How are you feeling?” he asked quietly. “This can’t bring back good memories for you.”

 

Magnus tilted his head back and clenched his jaw. “What about you? Your experience is far fresher.”

 

“It was twenty years ago,” Luke said. “That’s a long time for mortals, Magnus. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

 

“It was over four hundred years ago when my parents rejected me,” Magnus said. “And it doesn’t hurt any less either.”

 

Luke looked back to the center of the room. Alec and Jace now sat shoulder to shoulder, but Alec’s eyes had moved away from his parabatai to Magnus again. When he realized Luke was looking, he immediately glanced down and back.

 

“Have you told Alec yet?” Luke asked quietly. Magnus raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“I’m not ready to show him my mark,” Magnus replied. “And you know as surely as I do that he will ask for it if I tell him that story.”

 

Luke winced at that, thinking back to the time where Magnus had divulged that tale to him not long after he had turned, and he had asked for that exact same privilege. Magnus had smiled a tired smile at him and took the time to explain what exactly their marks meant to warlocks.

 

Most warlocks kept their marks glamored around those they did not trust or that they did not care much about one way or another. Marks could be shown as a threat or a reassurance, mostly to other downworlders, but sometimes to shadowhunters in the case of the former. 

 

Magnus, having lived through the period of time where shadowhunters frequently took marks as trophies, and where most warlocks would be hunted and burned alive for showing their magic, had gotten used to glamoring his eyes. It was rare, Magnus told him, to find a warlock who had lived at long as he who did not glamor their mark around all they did not feel completely comfortable around.

 

Magnus looked up suddenly, moments before a portal swirled to life in the middle of his living room. Out stepped a black woman with long, locked hair and sharp, high cheekbones.

 

She glanced around the room, her eyes lingering for a wary second on the two shadowhunters who had yet to move from the couch before stopping on Magnus.

 

“Oh,” she said. “You’re not dying. You never send me fire messages when you’re not dying.”

 

“It’s nice to see you too, Cat,” Magnus said, stepping forward with his arms outstretched.

 

Catarina leveled a  _ look _ in his direction before a smile tugged up on her lips and she happily stepped into his arms. They embraced for a moment before parting with a kiss on each cheek.

 

Catarina turned to Luke, then, looking him up and down. “You look a fair sight better than the last time I saw you. Being a werewolf turning out better than you thought it would, huh?”

 

“Maybe a little,” Luke said. “Just like you told me it would.”

 

She smiled and nodded in acknowledgement. “Well, I am very rarely wrong. Now, Magnus. What was so important that you pulled me away from my very busy schedule all the way to the most dangerous city in the world for me right now?”

 

Magnus nodded at the two shadowhunters on his couch. “Valentine’s wife claims Valentine injected their long lost son with demon blood as an embryo.”

 

Catarina blinked and turned to look at Jace. “Alright, that’s pretty important.”

 

“I’ve already explained how unlikely it is,” Magnus said as they both moved closer to the boys. 

 

Luke watched them with a slight smile on his face. Just like last time they were together, they moved in sync. Though their mannerisms and the way the walked were nothing alike, they both fell into a familiar pattern only cultivated when one spent centuries with another. Luke’s heart spasmed when he remembered Ragnor had moved like that too, on the right side of Magnus where Catarina stood on his left.

 

Catarina hummed as her fingers sparked with blue magic. “Stand up, Morgenstern boy,” she said.

 

“My name is Jace,” Jace said as he stood, but his voice broke.

 

“Jace  _ Lightwood _ ,” Alec snapped as he stood, too.

 

Catarina merely raised her eyebrow. “A Lightwood and a Morgenstern?” she asked. “What have you gotten yourself into, Magnus?”

 

“More than you know, Cat,” Magnus said with no small amount of humor. “I’ll tell you more later.”

 

Catarina’s drew her magic across Jace’s body and she hummed again. “Demon blood gives off certain magical properties in comparison to other types of blood,” she said. “It may take a couple examinations for me to conclude what amount of demon blood resides in his veins. Can I assume I’ll have access to the Institute for such a thing?”

 

Jace stared at her. “I--”

 

“Yes,” Alec cut him off. “Yes, I’ll make sure of it.”

 

Catarina eyed him warily, but nodded, her magic dissipating from her fingertips. “Very well,” she said. “Now, shall we discuss my rate of payment?”

 

“Payment?” Alec asked. “I thought--”

 

“You didn’t expect me to do this for free, did you? Magnus, did you promise them this?” Catarina asked, without taking her gaze off Alec for a moment.

 

“I would do no such thing,” Magnus said. Both Alec and Jace stared at him and Luke suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at them, and shake his head at both himself and Magnus. Clearly, they had been spoiling these young shadowhunters.

 

Catarina snorted. “Good. Look, shadowhunters, this is an extremely taxing procedure. Not for you, since all you will be doing is sitting there and praying you haven’t been effected with something as  _ horrible _ as demon blood, which, I might remind you, three out of five of the people in this room carry in their veins. No, you’ll be doing next to nothing. Instead, I will be using careful control, precision, and a fair bit of my reverses to run my magic over every single cell in your body. So, yes, you will be paying me for my extensive services.”

 

She turned on her heel, waving her hand to conjure a portal. “Our first session will be at noon tomorrow. Magnus, we’re having dinner tonight.”

 

“Of course, my dear. Would you like to have it in the middle of my meeting with the vampires or after?”

 

“Afterwards,” Catarina called as she began to step through the portal. “Bring Raphael, won’t you?”

 

She was gone then, leaving them all staring at where the portal had been. Magnus alone had a small smile on his face.

 

“Wow,” Jace said. “She’s… something.”

 

“She certainly is,” Magnus said. “She’s my closest friend, now. And she’s  _ very _ experienced, so,” he turned to look at Jace, a frown on his face, “you should be grateful for her help. Both of you,” he said, and he glanced up at Alec.

 

Alec nodded jerkily. “I have to make sure Aldertree will actually pay for it,” he said. “Do you think you could make a portal to take us back there?”

 

Magnus gazed at Alec for a moment before he nodded. “Of course,” he said, clicking his fingers to bring the portal spinning to life. “I’ll see you later, Alexander.”

 

Alec nodded again, and pulled his brother to his side and into the portal. Magnus raised an eyebrow and looked over towards Luke. “Are you going too?”

 

Luke snorted and shook his head. “No,” he said. “Are you still free?”

 

“For another two hours,” Magnus said immediately. Luke had never figured out how he was able to tell time without any watch or clock to speak of.

 

“Good,” Luke said. “After…  _ that _ , I definitely need to sit and drink. And I think you might need that too.”

 

Magnus smiled and snapped his fingers, an array of scotch appearing on the table in front of them. “Oh, you might indeed be right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Magnus totally spent half their time in the years after the Uprising drinking together and rolling their eyes at the shadowhunters they were forced to endure. Also, gossiping and teasing each other about their love lives.
> 
> And I pulled in Cat! I know next to nothing about her since I haven't read more than the first book, so all her characterization and appearance I'm pulling from the show, but I hope you liked her. Magnus deserves to have his friends around.
> 
> I so very muched enjoyed calling the shadowhunters out for their bullshit this chapter. That's going to be a very recurring theme, just to let you know.
> 
> Here I attempted to explain how demon blood/venom/angel blood/mudane blood works in the shadow world without retconning too much from the universe, just so I could have options. I think the only thing I did end up retconning was Izzy/Raph's storyline which is fucking good. I wasn't planning on doing that anyway, but now I literally can't and I'm so pleased.
> 
> Also Alec has a competence kink when it comes to Magnus. Don't we all.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! Please leave a comment if you did.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izzy tries to help Alec understand some things, but is forced into an uncomfortable realization herself.

It was at 11:58am when a portal swirled open right outside the Institute. Isabelle perked up from her slouched position against a pillar inside to run out, opening the front door and waving Catarina through the wards and indoors.

 

Catarina was dressed in a simple, dark blue pants suit with a red, silk shirt underneath. Her dreadlocks were tied back with a plain, darker red bandana. She wore a simple, chain necklace and small earrings with a gem Izzy couldn’t name dangling from them. Expressionless, she walked past Isabelle, her heels clicking on the Institute floor.

 

“Where is my patient?” she asked even as she headed down the halls like she knew exactly where she was going.

 

“He’s in a healing room, waiting for you,” Isabelle replied. “I made sure of it. I’m Isabelle Lightwood.”

 

Catarina cast a quick look her way out of the corner of her eyes. “Charmed,” she said, sounding anything but as she sped up her pace.

 

Alec was hovering in front of the door of the healing room, arms crossed and fingers tapping away on his bicep. His face didn’t change from his bland expression when they drew nearer. Catarina’s didn’t shift from professional disinterest, either, but she did finally slow her pace until she pulled up right to Alec.

 

Shoulder to shoulder, Alec was physically the more imitating of the two. He stood much taller and broader, and the black rune cut into his neck had a vaguely ominous feel. But when Catarina’s narrow eyes cut up to bore into the side of Alec’s face, Isabelle could have sworn she felt the room chill.

 

“Magnus told me about you,” Catarina said.

 

“He didn’t say anything about you,” Alec replied.

 

Catarina smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile. “He’s protective like that,  _ shadowhunter _ ,” she said. “I find myself much of the same way, you know.”

 

She walked away then, leaving Alec and Isabelle staring after her. Isabelle trotted forward a few steps and looked up at her brother.

 

“So, she’s scary,” Izzy said.

 

Alec didn’t look back at her and he didn’t say a word. He just wrinkled his nose and grunted.

 

“Alec,” Izzy said, putting a hand on her hip. “She’s  _ scary _ .”

 

“She can be,” Aldertree said as he came up behind them both. “Catarina Loss is one of the most powerful warlocks in the world, healer though she may be. Rumors say she was trained by Magnus Bane himself.”

 

Alec glanced over at Aldertree out of the corner of his eyes. “I didn’t know you would be coming here,” he said.

 

“Oh, sorry,” Aldertree said. “I wanted to make sure Ms. Loss received her payment due. And, I suppose I wanted to meet her.”

 

Isabelle blinked. “You… you did?”

 

Aldertree stared down at her incredulously. “Of course,” he said. “Ms. Loss is the best warlock healer to walk the planet, even better than our own High Warlock. I used to be a field medic; I only wish I could do the things she is able to.”

 

He followed Catarina into the room, once again leaving just Isabelle and Alec. Only, this time, Izzy had noticed how tight Alec’s jaw was clenched.

 

“You’re going to grind your teeth into dust,” Isabelle said, leaning back against the entrance and lightly crossing her arms.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alec gritted out.

 

Isabelle sighed. “Honestly, big brother, I thought we were passed this.”

 

Alec glanced down at her then, and she spotted his jaw loosening just the slightest bit. So he did want to talk about whatever was ticking him off. Isabelle uncrossed her arms and stepped forward, setting a gentle hand on his crossed forearm.

 

Isabelle looked up at him, widening her eyes in that way she knew always made him crack. “You don’t have to talk to me,” she said. “But I’m here.”

 

Alec rolled his eyes so far over that Isabelle monetarily, with a slightly morbid curiosity, wondered if they would fall out. But then Alec uncrossed his arms and Isabelle was forced to snap back to attention.

 

“Magnus…” Alec said hesitantly. “Magnus didn’t tell me about her. He never mentioned her at all.”

 

Isabelle blinked. “Catarina?”

 

Alec nodded firmly, his eyes huge. “And she just went up and hugged him and kissed him on the cheeks.”

 

Isabelle raised an eyebrow and tried to stop a smile from spreading across her face. “Wait, Alec, are you jealous?”

 

“What?” Alec asked, jerking his head back. “No. I’m  _ not _ ,” he said when Izzy had just shot him an amused smirk.

 

Izzy tilted her head knowingly to let him know that she didn’t totally believe him on that front. “Okay,” she said anyway. “Then what’s this about?”

 

Alec pressed his lips together. “I just… I want to get to know Magnus,” he said as he flicked his middle and pointer fingers back and forth against each other quickly. “But he called her his closest friend, and he never even mentioned her. And, I’ve asked him about stuff and he said he didn’t want to share, and I don’t really know what that means.”

 

Alec’s lips were slowly turning paler and paler. The veins in his hands bulged slight as he flicked his fingers past each other far too fast to actually be comfortable. His shoulders were hunched down and his eyes were wide.

 

He was nervous, Isabelle realized. He was really, really nervous. This was something she  _ hadn’t _ known, for all she had been able to read Alec for all these years. She’d always had a sneaking suspicion that Alec cared for Magnus more than for just a fun fling, but this deep level of care wasn’t something she had been expecting. Not so soon.

 

She… might be a little out of her depth here.

 

“O… okay,” Isabelle said, and hoped that Alec couldn’t hear that little stumble in her words. “What did you ask him about?”

 

Alec glanced towards the healing room again and lowered his voice. “I asked him about what Anne said, the um. Hellfire. He said he wasn’t ready to talk about some parts of his life and now I find out that he’s got this close friend that he’s never mentioned before, and he’s apparently really close with Luke, and I don’t know what to do with all that.”

 

Isabelle took a deep breath. “Alright. You didn’t ask him about Luke and Catarina, right?” Alec nodded. “Okay, then he wasn’t really keeping them from you. It just never came up. That’s okay Alec, everything has been sort of a whirlwind lately. And when you asked about the hellfire, well, whatever it is sounds like a big deal. Like I said, everything’s been a whirlwind, including the two of you. Get to know him better before you ask those kinds of big questions; maybe start with his favorite color?”

 

Alec stared at her for a moment before he blinked twice. “Right,” he said. “Right, of course you’re right.”

 

Izzy flicked her hair behind her shoulder and smiled, possibly wider than what was called for. “Are you surprised?” she asked with a faint giggle.

 

Her display worked. Alec smiled and shook his head fondly. “Of course not,” he said teasingly as he rolled his eyes.

 

Isabelle leaned closer to him, pressing right up against his side. This is what she had always done; Alec had never been comfortable with himself. With anything he was. She didn’t remember exactly when it had started, or if it had always been there, but she knew it had only intensified as he grew older.

 

Alec had always focused all his attention on protecting her and Jace, and, when possible, Max too. Isabelle had always focused her attention on making her brothers  _ happy _ , whenever she could, however she could. For years, it had always been about making Alec as comfortable as possible on those days where he just looked like he was ready to crawl out of his skin. But those days just became more frequent and her presence just wasn’t enough anymore.

 

And so Izzy had changed tactics. She had pushed and she had pushed  _ hard _ . It was the only thing she could think of; if Alec wasn’t able to be happy as he was, he had to change. Alec would never be comfortable enough to do that himself, so she had to force it. Isabelle had pushed and pulled and dragged Alec down a long, dirt road that he dug his stubborn heels right into and refused to move down.

 

But then Magnus had appeared. He reached out, took Alec’s hand, looked at him with those eyes of his, and slowly but surely Alec let go and let Magnus lead him down that dirt path that ended in a beautiful, shining church.

 

And now Alec was more comfortable then she had ever seen him. Happier too, but so much more  _ comfortable _ . Those times where it looked like he just itched to shake and scratch himself right out of his own body were fewer and fewer. This very moment wasn’t like that, not really. Alec was confused, not heartbreakingly unhappy, but all the same, Izzy would be there for him.

 

Catarina appeared in the doorway of the healing room then, sleeves rolled up and jacket tossed over her left arm. Her eyes swept once over Isabelle and Alec before she turned her attention to the apparently much more interesting task of rolling down her sleeves.

 

“Your brother is doing well,” she said. “The next examination will be tomorrow, at the same time.”

 

Isabelle nodded and thanked her. “I can walk you --”

 

Alec cut her off with an abrupt step forward. Catarina’s eyes leapt to him instantly, her hand falling from where she toyed with her shirt sleeve at her elbow down to her side. Her hand was tense. A second too late, Izzy realized she was ready for a fight.

 

If Alec realized that too, he didn’t let that stop him. “Catarina,” he said. “I just wanted to say… thank you, for helping my brother.”

 

Catarina eyed him, with suspicion, interest, and something else Izzy couldn’t name. “You’re welcome,” she said. Slowly, without taking her eyes of Alec, she went back to unrolling her sleeves.

 

Alec bobbed his head and rubbed his pointer finger and thumb together. “And… I just wanted to say, that I hope we get to know each other better.”

 

Catarina didn’t even blink. “Why?”

 

“Because you’re important to Magnus,” Alec said.

 

Interest came across loudest with the newest look Catarina leveled at Alec now. The suspicion still lingered, but it had faded, and that  _ other _ thing was gone entirely. Something told Izzy that was what was most important.

 

Catarina finished pulling down her sleeves without another word and slipped the jacket over her shoulders. She brushed her hair out of collar of the jacket and let it lay against her back before she nodded once.

 

“Then, Alec Lightwood,” she said, “it is for that same reason my hope is just the same as yours.”

 

She all but strutted past them both, calling over her shoulder for Isabelle to be her escort out of the Institute. Alec stared after her, stunned, but Izzy shot him a wide smile and a thumbs up before taking off after Catarina.

 

When she caught up with the warlock, Izzy cast a sneaky glance back at Alec. Her big, stubborn, grumpy brother was staring down at the floor, sporting a smile that just kept getting wider.

 

“Thank you,” Isabelle said abruptly as she tore her gaze off of Alec’s happiness. Catarina looked over at her with one elegant eyebrow raised. “You’ve just made my brother very happy.”

 

Catarina was silent for a moment. Her gaze wandered away from Isabelle, through the Institute. It brushed over shadowhunter after shadowhunter, taking in the runes and the technology as she lead them through the main hall at a breakneck pace.

 

She slowed as she got to the entrance to the Institute and reached for the door, her gaze once again firmly on Isabelle. Her eyes, the lines on her face, they told stories. Stories that Izzy couldn’t begin to understand, stories that she probably would never get to hear, but that she could tell left scars. Isabelle could only guess how many of those were physical versus mental.

 

“Magnus is family,” Catarina finally said. “I’ve stood by him over hundreds of years, through many loves, and I’ve rarely seen him like this. I do hope your brother can make him truly happy.”

 

“You don’t think he can,” Isabelle said softly.

 

Catarina sighed and closed her eyes tightly for just a moment. She was halfway out the door before she spoke again.

 

“It is one of the few things I wouldn’t mind being wrong about.”

 

Isabelle let the door swing shut in her face. If Catarina had been her mother or Alec or, hell, even Magnus, she would have been out the door in a second, chin tilted up, muscles tense, as she insisted that if Magnus and Alec wanted to be happy together, they would be.

 

But she thought of how Catarina had tensed when Alec stepped forward. The bodies that had lain in Magnus’ loft. A brand burned into the neck of those who wielded glowing swords.

 

Isabelle had always prided herself on knowing the downworld. No shadowhunter could say they knew the Seelies like she did. Whether that was something to be proud of, something to be used, or something to turn one’s nose up at, it was the truth. She knew Seelie customs like no other. She knew how to talk to them, how to get around their maneuvers and maneuver them right back.

 

But how much did she really know about their history?

 

And how much did that knowledge really transfer to other downworlders?

 

She had been useless in talks with the vampires and werewolves. More often than naught, warlocks prefered to run from her than share. Meliorn had outright told her he didn’t trust her.

 

The Clave wasn’t always fair to downworlders. That, Isabelle knew. She had seen firsthand how far they had been willing to go…

 

But had she? Had she really? She had been there, yes. She herself has fought against that outcome. But the only one who had truly seen it firsthand was Meliorn himself. Though she had found herself on trial, he was the one who would have been tortured and perhaps put to death for a crime he did not even commit. As morally right as what Isabelle had done was, she had still broken the law. Meliorn had done nothing.

 

No, Isabelle might know Seelies and other parts of the downworld, but she didn’t understand them. She didn’t understand why Luke shied away from them. Why Raphael eyed them with suspicion and Magnus with fear. Why Catarina had automatically assumed an attack. Why Meliorn refused to gift her his trust. She didn’t understand. And, as Isabelle looked around her, at the clean, painted Institute with all their technology used to hunt demons and monitor downworlders, she wondered if she ever would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know if this is proper characterization of Catarina, but I don't care because I love my Catarina. Also, I really wanted to have Aldertree be a nice, good field medic, who wants to meet the best healer in a long time.
> 
> Honestly, the few things Magnus has told Alec is pretty normal for a relationship, but poor Alec doesn't really know that yet. They'll get to a space where they're comfortable sharing more, and then sharing everything, but it's gonna take some time.
> 
> This part of the series is coming to a close, I'm expecting two, maybe three more chapters before I start on the next one. The next part will center more around the werewolves, particularly Luke (and his relationship with Jocelyn), Maia, Alaric, Gretel. Izzy, Simon, and Magnus will be in there too, along with Alec, Catarina, and Raphael to a lesser extent.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a comment if you did. You can follow me on tumblr (goinginforfandoms) or twitter (@levayajade) for more updates about this fic, or just to see me posting other things about Shadowhunters.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clary gets an idea, but hits a roadblock that's hard to turn away from.

Clary was lying in wait. She was supposed to be doing it quietly, but she couldn’t help but tap the heel of her black boots against the Institute floor. Such was the way of impatience.

 

Luke hadn’t been back to the Institute since the argument with Jocelyn two days ago. “He just needs to cool off,” was all her mother had said. Clary couldn’t help but disagree as she remembered what Luke had said to her on his way out of the Institute, but she had put that aside for a moment to talk with her mom.

 

Clary had so missed being able to talk with her mother over the weeks she had been missing, and during the desperate chase to find her. Jocelyn had pulled out a book with runes filling the pages, and they had gone over it together.

 

Jocelyn had just started telling her bits about the Downworld structure, when Clary had finally asked her what they were doing to find Valentine. “I know it’ll be hard,” Clary said. “But we have to do  _ something _ .”

 

Jocelyn had taken her hand. “Oh, Clary,” she said. “There’s not much more we can do. The Institute has always had state of the art technology, if tracking isn’t picking up anything, that’s how they’re searching for him.”

 

Clary had pulled her hand away and slid off the bed they were huddled on. “But isn’t there something we could do?” she asked as she paced back and forth. “Something the Institute and the Clave aren’t thinking of…”

 

Jocelyn had sighed. “There’s always a chance…” She said hesitantly. “That some downworlders know where he is. It’s a small chance, but they hear things we don’t sometimes.”

 

Clary nodded fanatically. “We at least have to try that,” she said. “Which Downworlders do you think would know?”

 

“The Seelies, most likely,” Jocelyn said. “But they’re always the hardest to get information from.”

 

“And we kind of lost our last Seelie informant,” Clary said with a sigh as she collapsed back onto the bed with a  _ thump _ . “Is there anyone else?”

 

“The werewolves wouldn’t,” Jocelyn said. “But… maybe… well, Valentine has to be getting his blood supply somewhere. Vampires don’t sell blood, they need it too much. But warlocks sell blood either as an ingredient in spell work or potions, or to make extra money off of the vampires.”

 

“Why would vampires buy their blood from warlocks?” Clary asked.

 

“Because they might sell their own blood, or even Seelie blood,” Jocelyn said. “Both warlock and Seelie blood taste different to vampires.”

 

“So, if there are some warlocks in the city with a supply of warlock or Seelie blood,” Clary said as a smile dawned on her face, “Valentine could be attacking or working with them to get a regular supply!”

 

Jocelyn smiled back. “Exactly,” she said. “And the only person I know who might know all the warlocks in the city is…”

 

“Magnus Bane.”

 

Clary and her mother had taken a trip up to Magnus’ loft immediately, but the warlock hadn’t been home. Clary had tried to call Magnus, but he hadn’t answered his phone either. With a sigh, she had tucked her phone back in her pocket.

 

“Alec can get a hold of him,” she said firmly. “Let’s go back to the Institute.”

 

“Can’t you just call him?” Jocelyn asked.

 

“Uh,” Clary said. “He doesn’t really like me. It’s better I ask him in person. And, he probably really doesn’t like you, so I should do it by myself.”

 

And that lead to Clary waiting, half hidden in the hall that lead to the healing room Jace took every day so the warlock Catarina could look him over. Jace was always overly early to his appointments, and Isabelle and Catarina had marched down the hall on their way there not long after. Clary’s face had fallen when Alec was not with them, but she still waited. She was sure Alec wouldn’t want to be too far from his parabatai now.

 

She had guessed correctly. Not too much later, Alec appeared. He muttered something Clary didn’t entirely catch to Izzy about training, and then folded his arms behind himself and leaned back on the wall, eyes firmly trained on the door to the healing room.

 

Clary took a deep breath and headed on over to the sibling pair. Izzy glanced her way and greeted her with a kind smile and a soft “hi,” which Clary gratefully returned, but Alec didn’t even look over at her.

 

“Alec,” she said loudly. Though it was still not enough to get him to look her way, she just plowed on. “Alec, can you ask Magnus to meet me?”

 

“Ask him yourself,” Alec said.

 

Clary smiled a taut, irritated smile. “I’ve already tried that,” she said. “He wasn’t at home, I was hoping you could get a hold of him instead.”

 

“He’s busy today,” Alec said.

 

Clary sighed. “Alec, please,” she said. “This is really important, and I’m sure Magnus can make time -- ”

 

A loud crack of laughter sounded behind her. Clary turned to see Catarina, her arms loosely crossed and her frown sharp. Clary started to say hello, but Catarina started speaking before she could.

 

“Who are you?” Catarina asked.

 

Clary blinked quickly, before taking a step forward and offering Catarina her hand. “I’m Clary, Clary Fray,” she said. “You might know my mother, Jocelyn -- ”

 

Catarina took her hand, shaking it once before letting it drop. “You know, I am acquainted with your mother,” she said. “But I feel as if I know your father better. I only met him while he was trying to kill me, you see, but I do so feel as if one cannot know a man better than when he is attempting the eradication of your species.”

 

Clary felt her jaw drop and hang. “I, um,” she stuttered. “I’m so sorry, but I’m not my father.”

 

“While that remains to be seen,” Catarina said as her dark eyes trailed up and down her body, “you’re right, what I’ve seen from you far more resembles your mother than your father.”

 

From anyone else in this building, Clary would have taken that as a compliment. But Catarina said it with such disappointment, Clary couldn’t help but ask, “w -- what do you mean?”

 

Catarina sighed. “Magnus is a High Warlock,” she said as she straightened the coat she was wearing. “You couldn’t even imagine the schedule he keeps. And yet, you just assume he has all the time in the world from you whenever you wish… no, whenever you decided to  _ demand _ his help.”

 

“I… He’s just been there when we needed him before,” Clary said quickly. “I know he’s a High Warlock or whatever, but -- ”

 

“Oh, so you don’t even know what that is!” Catarina said with another laugh. “Do any of you?” she asked, looking from Clary back to Alec and Izzy.

 

Isabelle licked her lips. “We were always told,” she said, hesitantly, “that High Warlocks are a representative for the warlocks in their territory.”

“True,” Catarina said, “but only in the vaguest sense of the title. High Warlocks aren’t just representatives of the warlocks. They don’t just exist for the Clave to call on whenever they need a little spell work done either. They’re the protectors and caretakers of their territory, always. Of  _ all _ the Downworlders that live in it.”

 

“ _ Okay _ ,” Clary said. “But this will help all the Downworlders in New York, and in the world, too!”

 

“I’m sure whatever idea you’ve come up with is great, honey,” Catarina said. “But right now, Magnus doesn’t have the time to lend you his help. Do you have any idea how big his territory is?”

 

“Well, he’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn, isn’t he?” Clary said as she did her best not to roll her eyes.

 

“No High Warlock just covers their city,” Catarina said as she actually did roll her eyes. “A High Warlock’s territory extends through several cities, or even further, through the entire state or country, all depending on how powerful they are.”

 

“How far does Magnus’ go?” Alec asked.

 

Catarina smiled. “Magnus is a warlock unlike any other,” she said. “He’s extremely powerful. And his territory is all of the Americas.”

 

Briefly, very briefly, Clary felt her heart stutter to a stop. Suddenly, all she could remember was the way Magnus held himself, the blue mist that glowed at the tips of his fingers, and those terrifying black flames that leapt from his hands and engulfed a man whole.

 

That fire Magnus wielded, its flames darker than the blackest night, the way it had roared and popped like a raging wildfire, and how it had shrieked just the same as a man being tortured would, oh, it had sent fear crawling up her body and through her veins like cold, creeping ice. It had made her eyes burn and she had shed tears for the death of an enemy, a man who would have killed and hurt those she loved.

 

In all her life, with all she had seen, she had never known fear or power like that.

 

Now, Catarina stood before her, eyes hard and stance firm. She watched Clary, jaw clenched in anger and her head held high with a distinct disapproval. And Clary could not quite name what she felt. Awe might be the best word. True and utter awe.

 

The words rushed from Clary’s mouth not in a statement or a whisper, but a breath, “I’m sorry.”

 

The disapproval did not fade from Catarina’s face, but the anger dimmed a little. As Clary felt her cheeks begin to turn red as it dawned on her that she had been thoroughly shamed in front of an audience, she decided she would take any respite she could from Catarina’s ire.

 

“Yes, well,” Catarina said as she looked behind Clary, back to Izzy and Alec. Clary was only relieved her piercing gaze was off her. “You have a lot to learn about the Downworld. All of you.”

 

Clary glanced to Alec and Izzy out of the corner of her eye. Izzy was nodding at Catarina, her jaw set and her eyes shadowed and determined. Alec… Alec looked curious, for lack of a better word. Intruiged.

 

“How do we learn?” Clary asked startled when her voice came out so quiet and small.

 

“Stop talking,” Catarina said as she crossed her arms. “Don’t demand. Listen and watch. Believe it or not, you do not know better than we do.”

 

“I… I don’t -- ” Clary stuttered.

 

“You  _ do _ ,” Catarina said. “You all do. Whether you know it or not.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Alec said. His voice was tight, but not tighter than the lines around his eyes.

 

“Being sorry is good,” Catarina said. “But try being better.”

 

Catarina left soon after, with parting words to Alec and Izzy, and not a parting glance Clary’s way. That was okay; Clary had been in much of a daze after what she said.

 

Now Clary sat on her bed, alone, Catarina’s words resounding in her head. Being  _ better _ was all she had fought for since she had been thrown into the Shadowworld, but Clary had been so focused on herself. Be a better fighter, a better Shadowhunter. She hadn’t realized being a better Shadowhunter meant hurting Downworlders. She hadn’t realized that was what she had been doing every step of the way.

 

Be better, Catarina had said. But Clary didn’t know how. There were ways to be a better Shadowhunter. Training, books. Being just  _ better _ was not so easy. But Catarina had given her a clue on how to try.

 

Listen, Catarina had also said. Clary didn’t truly understand what that meant, but that didn’t mean she could do it.

 

The Shadowworld was complex beyond just runes and wards and other things Clary didn’t understand. The Downworld particularly had thousands of years of history Clary wasn’t sure she’d ever learn or understand. But as long as swords glowed in the palm of her hand, as long as black burns covered her skin, as long as she was a Shadowhunter, she would listen. And she would try.

 

Clary pulled out her phone and selected Magnus’ number. Sucking in a steadying breath, she waited for it to ring, and then she waited for the message tone to play. She closed her eyes and let herself think of Catarina’s words and black fire.

 

“Magnus, I have an idea,” she said. “Please call me back when you have the time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of pretty much most of the Shadowhunters, I think Clary and Jocelyn need to be set straight the most. I'll work on Jocelyn in the next part, but today it was Clary's turn!
> 
> I didn't originally plan for Catarina to give so many talking tos, but considering how the show has been treating their black women, I'm not mad about it. She's quickly becoming one of my favorites, so expect to see a lot of her.
> 
> There should only be one more chapter left until this part is sorted and we can move onto the next one! There will be more action in the next one, and I've picked all my ships as well so expect more romance too.
> 
> Thank you for reading and please leave a comment if you enjoyed this! You can als follow me on my tumblr goinginforfandoms or my twitter @levayajade.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Simon discovers something worth fighting for, tragedy strikes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for racial incidents and slurs.

Simon stared up at the ceiling of the dark, windowless room. He lay entirely still as he tried to convince himself he hadn’t given up hope on sleep yet, but he  _ had _ given up on actually keeping his eyes closed, so the point was rather moot anyway.

 

With a loud groan, Simon pressed his hands into his brow. “Just sleep during the day,” he muttered to himself. “Like that’s so easy. I’m used to sleeping at  _ night _ .”

 

He was also used to sleeping in his room, under as many covers as he wanted, with his head on as many pillows as his heart desired. His new room, loaned to him by Luke, was a good sight more uliarian.

 

“It’s a room for recently turned werewolves,” Luke had explained as he lead Simon up a stairway behind the Jade Wolf. “We have a few of them. You can have one as long as you need.”

 

“Really?” Simon had asked as he glanced back to Alaric, who had followed them out of the Jade Wolf. Alaric had smiled in return.

 

“Really,” he said. “We  _ owe _ you, Simon. You protected our alpha when no one else could. The least we can do is make you feel comfortable. Though, I have to say, not all the pack members might be so okay with this.”

 

“I’ll try to find somewhere else as soon as possible,” Simon said. “I really don’t want to intrude on anyway.”

 

“I’ll have a talk with some of the complainers,” Luke said. “Simon. This is your home for as long as you need it to be.”

 

And Simon was so grateful. Luke had helped him even when he wasn’t utterly estranged from the vampires. Now that he was, it felt good to have someone who understood at his back again.

 

Despite himself, he felt his stomach churn just a bit at the thought of the vampire den and all he had left behind when he had gone with Camille and Clary. He had been making friends there. He had been learning things about himself that he knew he couldn’t get anywhere else, including with Luke and his pack. As knowledgeable as they were about newly turned Downworlders, being a vampire was in fact different than being a werewolf. And there was history he was learning with the vampires that the werewolves just didn’t know.

 

It wasn’t  _ regret _ , not quite. Simon could never regret waking Jocelyn, who had loved him and treated him like a son. Whom he had loved like a second mother. But it did feel like he had left a part of himself behind, a part of him he worried he could never get back.

 

A knock at his door interrupted his thoughts, which Simon certainly wasn’t complaining about. In a flash, he was on his feet and at the door. He threw it open to be greeted by Luke’s smile.

“Hey kiddo,” Luke said. He hefted a plastic bag. “I brought video games.”

 

The ensuing competitions were all vicious, but, of course, none more so than Mario Kart. Luke tossed down his controller with a loud huff and a roll of his eyes after losing his second race in a row to Simon, who naturally cheered his defeat.

 

“Bathroom break,” Luke said. “When I get back, I’m kicking your ass.”

 

Simon made sure his scoff and eyeroll were overly prominent before Luke could turn his back and make his way into the small bathroom that was attached to the room. Simon fiddled with the game as he waited, looking to change cars and debating with himself whether or not to up the CPU. Instead, he found his mind wandering back to Luke.

 

Luke had been around the Jade Wolf more than he had been since Jocelyn had woken up. Simon had gleaned something about a fight when Clary had called him to rant, but she hadn’t been making much sense. All he knew was that there was something going on with Jace and Luke and Clary didn’t approve of the way Jocelyn had handled it.

 

Simon hadn’t been back to the Institute since the first day Jocelyn had woken up. He wasn’t comfortable leaving Jocelyn or Clary there all by themselves, but he just… He had felt the stares following him back at the Institute. He had heard the whispers and had seen the hands that fell to steles and seraph blades as he walked down the halls.

 

It reminded him all too sharply of standing in line at the movie rental store. He couldn’t have been more than six. He had been tugging on his father’s pants leg, talking excitedly to his father about watching the coolest movie that he couldn’t remember anymore. It was a scene that had to have been playing out around the stores with dozens of children and their parents at that very moment. It had to have happened thousands of times.

 

The difference was that he and his father were talking in Spanish. And it was enough of a difference that an old man in a baseball cap had felt the need to snap at them, “go back to where you came from.”

 

Simon hadn’t understood what he meant back then. All he did know was that his father had stiffened and his face which had held such a bright small had changed to a deep, hard frown. He had pulled Simon closer and turned his back on that man.

 

Being in the Institute reminded Simon of that. Of suspicious glances when he stood around in a store for too long, and angry glares when he spoke Spanish. He didn’t understand how Luke bore it. It was not even a day he had been there when he was just left aching for a break.

 

If it wasn’t for his vampire hearing, Simon would have looked up to see Luke sitting by his side and would have probably jumped out of his skin. As it was, he had heard Luke’s padded steps on the wooden floor that lead back to the part of the floor that they had taken for video games. Even so, he wasn’t expecting Luke to have only had sat down seconds ago, only to reach out and grab his shoulder gently.

 

“Hey,” Luke said softly. “Are you okay?”

 

Simon curled his hands into fists and looked down at his lap. “How do you stand it?” Simon asked softly. “Wasn’t it… wasn’t it your home?”

 

Luke was quiet for a long moment before he sighed, and set his hands back by his hips, leaning his weight on them. “It’s different, for Shadowhunters,” Luke said. “The discrimination, I mean. I was born in Idris. I grew up there, and the only thing that mattered about how your body looked was how strong it was. When I came to the New York Institute, there was a little more of it. I think Shadowhunters who grow up away from Idris are more influenced by Mundanes then they like to think. 

 

“When I became a werewolf, my parents’ whole view of me changed. They threw me out, no matter how much my sisters tried to convince them otherwise. They threw around words like beast and monster, and other slurs. That’s exactly what I felt like the first time someone called me nigger. It was after the Uprising, but I couldn’t have been living as a Mundane for more than a year. I wasn’t even sure what it meant when the woman hissed it at me, but I knew the way she said it and the hatred in her eyes.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Simon whispered.

 

“I’m sorry too,” Luke said. “I learned about why she called me that, then. Even took a few classes. To answer your question, I don’t  _ stand _ it. I just… keep moving.”

 

It didn’t make sense, and yet it did. Amidst hateful glances and words that cut like barbed wire, sometimes the only choice was to hold your head high and keep moving forward. The other choice was to fight back with shields and swords to cut through that wire.

 

Simon had never taken that choice before. He had never really felt he’d had any choice for most of his life. But now when he looked down at his hands clenched into fists, he felt power behind them. He looked at Luke and thought of the giant wolves that would gladly follow him to their deaths only because they trusted him.

 

Simon didn’t think he would ever live completely away from the Mundane world like the Shadowhunters did, especially the ones in Idris. He was sure those moments, that anger from Mundanes would happen again. But that world wasn’t his to live in anymore. It wasn’t a world he could change without driving it further into ruin.

 

But his new world, the Shadowworld,  _ that _ was something he could stand a chance of changing. And it looked like the time to fight back was creeping ever nearer.

 

\-- -- --

 

After their talk, Simon became much quieter. Luke didn’t leave his side until he knew that quiet was only benign, but eventually he bid the younger man goodbye. Luke had managed to take the few days after Jocelyn had woken up off from work, but that time was running out. His captain had ordered him to be in the next day. Problems might have been lining up in the Shadowworld, but that didn’t always mean the Mundane world could wait. He slid into bed, laying his head on an arm as he left his eyes close.

 

Luke ran through alleys and across streets. All around him, out of tall buildings, huge trees sprouted and started making their way towards the sky where a full, silver moon glowed bright. The concrete clicked underneath his claws, but he smelled the earthiness of dirt and nature. Silky fur rubbed against his side and loud, happy pants made his ears twitch back. His pack was running beside him.

 

Luke tilted his head back to howl but froze when he caught sight of the moon again. Gone was its beautiful, silver glow. It was replaced with a dark, blood red.

 

His pack members raced past him. He could not tell who they were, their coats and defining features lost to the shadows of the towering buildings and trees. He cried out and called for them to stop, to come back.

 

Suddenly, back was the silver light, but this time it burned. This time, Luke did not see the color of blood, but smelled the scent of it.

 

He woke with a gasp and a growl. His bed buckled underneath the weight of his wolf form as he wrenched himself out of his bed covers. His claws, only half formed, still left long grooves in the floor as he shook through the rest of his transformation.

 

The window smashed easily under his weight when he threw himself at it. The scent of desperation clung to the air around him, but its stench paled in comparison to the deep, yawning pit of dread that had settled in his stomach.

 

When a wolf became an alpha, a connection was formed with the rest of the pack. A bond based on trust that went both ways. The alpha trusted the pack to protect and follow them, and the pack trusted the alpha to lead them to the right places. When that bond was broken, and it wasn’t replaced with a new alpha’s bond, it was devastating. And right now, Luke felt more than one of those bonds slipping away.

 

He burst into the Jade Wolf and was hit with the scent of blood, several times stronger to that of which he had smelled in his dream. Three bodies lay in the center of the restaurant. Only one was fully transformed.

 

As he stared, trying to figure out what he should do, a brown wolf pushed her way through the back door. She dragged another half transformed body with her. A white wolf followed right after, holding the body of a wolf in her jaws. They laid them with the rest.

 

With a high pitched whine, the white wolf dropped her body to the floor, her nose tucked in close to the bodies. The brown wolf curled up close to her and rested her head on the white wolf’s shoulders. Her green eyes were soft and sad as they lingered on the bodies.

 

One by one, the rest of the back crept closer and did the same. Some whimpered and some stayed completely silent but they all huddled close and grieved for their lost pack members.

 

Luke sat behind them with a body as heavy as his heart. He lowered his head to his chest and pulled his ears to his skull. The bereaved keening grew louder.

 

Behind him, the door swung open and footsteps, human footsteps echoed across the restaurant. In almost every case, Luke would have spun around and attacked, the anger that a human would interrupt their grief burning in his blood. But the footsteps were familiar and the scent was comforting.

 

Gently, a human hand tangled in the fur on Luke’s back. “Luke?” 

 

Luke didn’t move. The whining got louder.

 

The hand moved from his back and brushed over his shoulder. It ran up his neck and came to a stop at his cheek as the human moved around to his front.

 

Magnus crouched down in front of him, his hand resting in the fur on Luke’s cheek. “Luke,” he said softly. He stared up at him with bright, sparklingly slitted eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

 

It was only when the whimpers got louder once again did Luke realize they were coming from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this chapter is heavy.
> 
> I really wanted to go one to one with the racial allegory and the racism that poc experience, so I thought Simon and Luke were an interesting way to do that. Also, I am black (though lightskinned; afro-Latina, also of indigenous descent. My typical Mestizx side is more evident, though I do have a heavier indigenous influence, so I mostly experience what a Latina of color does. If you're another educated Latinx, please let me know if I phrased any of this wrong... I'm still learning!) so yes I can say nigger. Just wanted to get that out there to prevent any hate being directed towards me. My family tree is complicated. But moving on!
> 
> So this is the last chapter of In The Eye! A dramatic ending for you all, since I like those. This leads directly into part three of this series, Blood Moon, where we'll be focusing on Luke and his relationships, as well as getting to know the pack better. Look for the first chapter of that soon! You can look for updates on my tumblr (goinginforfandoms) or twitter (@levayajade).
> 
> As always, I hoped you like this chapter, and that you've liked this whole fic. And I hope you'll enjoy what I have planned! Please leave a comment if you did.

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not sure how much I liked this one, particularly in the beginning. I do, however, think I liked the end.
> 
> As near as I can tell, this series will have eight parts, including this one and the oneshot I wrote before all this went down, and that I've now tied into this universe. I'm covering multiple overreaching arcs and plotlines and editing every single character's arc in the show.
> 
> This first part is going to focus on enhancing the relationships between all the characters. With the exception of Magnus and Alec, and Jocelyn and Luke, this is all going to be platonic in this series, since I haven't decided which pairings I want to go with in endgame yet.
> 
> This is an ambitious project, but I really don't want to let it go. I'm just so unhappy with the direction show has gone in, and I just. Can't take it anymore.
> 
> I've got several things figured out, but I'm not sure about what ships I want to do yet. Malec, of course, and Luke/Jocelyn, a couple others, but I need to decide on everyone else's. I want you guys to help out with picking them. It'll be my final decision, of course, but I'd like some opinions. Here's some of the ships I'm thinking:
> 
> Izzy/Clary  
> Izzy/Maia  
> Izzy/Simon (unlikely)  
> Clary/Jace  
> Maia/Simon  
> Maia/Gretel (more developed than the show, I swear)  
> Simon/Raphael (I'll make their relationship healthy whether I put them in a romance or not)
> 
> Feel free to suggest more, but those are the most likely to happen. Please, I need your thoughts on this.
> 
> Also. Cheek kissing. Cuddling in bed without sex. Now, those are some of my kinks. Expect to see more of that probably. Alec's reaction to Magnus kissing his cheek is based on my reaction to my first boyfriend kissing my forehead, btw.
> 
> And, please, comment. I'm definitely gonna need some reader support to make it through this monster series.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
